Earlier today me and my co workers had a very in depth almost 2 hour long existential conversation.
But also, I wanted to state that I have fully moved out of my house. :]
Now, after this move, i've felt good yet uncomfortably awkward. I feel like something is missing, as if though i'm missing that drive and ambition of purpose.
Now, I felt like attempting to blog my views. So this will be rather interesting
I want to know....what is the purpose and drive to bring human. To break that down, why are we here on this planet. What is the driving force that makes us go forward and continue to delve into our daily activities, or commit crimes, etc.
What's the reasoning.
What's the ambition on sort. I've always been the kind of person who personally doesn't express my views on life, death, politics, religion, and "taboo" subjects, because of course i'm afraid my opinion on the matter will offend people.
I'm the kind of person who dwells on the negative aspects on a situation, and continues to always think "what if", or "how could I have done that better". I also seem to keep these negative idea around me, and always let them get me down for no reason. I let them eat me alive
I try my best to change this aspect, because its good try bad. I'm too empathetic and remorseful of past mistakes, and when they are brought up, I seem to get moody and dejected. Its weird. I feel like it was a mistake I'll never live down.
I don't know really what my purpose or drive is, and still have yet to even understand it. I said earlier while talking with my co workers, "we can't really say we fully know what our drive/purpose is until we are on our death bed, because that's the point in our life when we are able to finally look back fully and see what we have done in life. It allows us to look back and be like.....that's what made me do what I did."
Of course love is a major motivator in drive and purpose, but that's always been like the glue to the art. Its what keeps everything together practically.
Its like, it just always will be there no matter what, even in our darkest times, its that shining light, and its also our guide.
Another thing I would have to say is family? Potentially that's an iffy thing, because we as humans come from many different homes and lifestyles that change our perspectives on everything. I personally come from a home that is and has always been in chaos and rage, yet intertwined with passion and love. Its a sickening combination in my eyes. But everything must be equaled out with good and bad right? Ying and yang?
Its a funny thing, cause leaving that house makes me feel good that i've finally escaped the negativity that I dwelled on, but it also makes me feel i'm missing the equal balance of good and bad, like i'm having the good by escaping, but also at the same time, I seem to be missing something, something tangible.
I feel like since with my family that, leaving has allowed me to move onward. But at the same time I feel like that missing piece is chaos. I feel like i've lost that driving force......
(unfortunately, I can't go further with this post. It's to much to wrap my head around. Sorry people. I just can't do it)
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