Friday, January 30, 2009

An Overview Of The Past 19 Years.

So, I'm feeling the need to review how far i've gotten in my life and how i've gotten to my current place and situations, good and bad.

Let's start from the WAY begining.

I was born June 15th, 1989, in a town called Hartford, WI (and for those of you who never listened in world studies or geography or whatever class it is, WI stands for Wisconsin) my mother is Shannon Conroe and my father Joseph Krapfl.
I was born a twin, fraternal, but along with that, I was brought into this world premature, there was complication at birth, my brother tried to come out ass first, and I was basically pushed to the side of the womb, that I didn't get enough air. So since my brother attempted to come out ass first, they had to push him back, and do a c-section on my mother.

He was the first one out, I was second. Both of us were out in ICU, I was the one who had it worse than he did.

I was hooked up to life support, I had a tube put into my lung by access of under my left arm pit, I have a scar from it, and I also had one down my throat. I have a photo I need to find and post along with this to prove it.

My lungs were underdeveloped, and had a lot of liquid and pus still inside, so they stuck together, and I wasn't able to breath fairly easily. Of course, the doctors were able to fix that, and they had me and my brother both in icu for some time.

I gained weight, then immediately lost a large amount, going from 3 pounds and some odd, to about I think it's 6 pounds, then dropping down to 3 or less if I'm correct.

I got better, and all complications got cleared, and I was ready to go home.

I was brought up in a litle town called LeRoy Wisconsin, which is a fairly small and quiet town that is a farming town sort of, everyone knew everyone, and had their own kids, a pub was down the street where the adults played horse shoes and drank, whereas the kids played baseball in the field behind the bar. I mainly was at my grandmothers, and was raised for a large amount of time around family, and then we moved around from Leroy to brownsville, and lomira.

Life was good I guess, I don't really remember it all so clearly, only seeing videos and photos brings back memories of it slightly.

But let's flash forward to about the year 1994, which is around the time my mother and father divorced, and my mother left Wisconsin with my sister and moved to Alaska. Me and my brothers, my twin and younger brother, who was born is 1994, stayed with our father till about 2004, 2002 for my little brother.

My childhood was raised very traditionally, good family environment, nice little town, Christian roots are dated in me, but I don't follow them.
My father was/still is an alcoholic, and was abusive. My haven point for comfort from a broken home was my grandparents house. We went there every Thursday for a large dinner where all the family got together and ate and chatted about current events, etc.

The summer's were warm and fun playing with my cousins, and playing in the corn fields. Most of the time I stayed inside and played video games or read books or played with my toys.

School was of course a ridicule, I was the kid who got picked on all the time, and got the shit end of the stick.

I used to play baseball and other games with my cousins and other relatives in the old lot behind the local bar, and played on the swing set in our backyard, and was always outside causing mischief.

I used to also play in the run down barns, and got watch the cows graze the fields and just be cows I guess.

Flash forward a couple years, I'm in my first "relationship" with a girl, her name was Nicole, she moved into Leroy with her family from out of state if I'm correct and bought the old farm down the street. Her and her family were very nice and caring, her mother enjoyed my company, especially when I always wanted to cook with her, and help her out around the house.

This is around the first time I started liking boys. Her older brother was the one who I thought was the good looking one, but I was young and told that thinking of boys that way was bad, so I just bit my tongue. They had this sweet underground wine celler out back below the barn, which we used to go play hide and go seek in, and the we'd go into the upstairs of the garage and play video games and other miscellaneous board games.

I used to love going over to their house, cause they treated me so nicely, and I also used to visit my friend Amanda's house and watch her dad refurbish furniture by hand in his garage. We used to spin in circles in their yard and fall on the ground dizzy. I used to play cards with her dad also. He taught me how to play hand and foot....complicated game for a 12 year old to learn!

Of course my summer was fun, my mother came and visited with my sister multiple times, and we all had fun.

My father, like I said before was/is and alcoholic, and he was abusive. To cut the chase about that, because I hate him, and never want to talk to him again, I'm going to highlight the number one point that scared me the most.

He called me and my brothers down to the kitchen, and he was drunk, I could smell the alcohol on his breathe. He held a knife to our chests, poking the tip of the blade into my sternum, and slurring at us.

He met a woman from Canada, and she was a nice lady, she of course drank but wasn't violent, she was the step in mom. I enjoyed her company, but also at the same time knew I would never be able to call her mom.

I learned how to use computers by the age of 12, and learned how to use chat rooms, etc. Of course a curious 12 year old looked at porn. First it was straight porn, then I started noticing the boys. There was something to them, and I would always focus on them more.

I of course had a secret stash of gay pictures and all that. Which I hid very well for being that young.
My summer consisted of making mixed tapes of songs from the radio, and hanging out with family.

I made a friend who lived out of Leroy, in a town about 15. Miles away. Me and my brother used to take our bikes and ride all the way there to go visit and play with him.

During the winters, we'd make hot chocolate and go sledding for hours on end until it got too dark and cold.

I also started taking a hunting and gun course. The first gun I ever fired was a shotgun. Hurt my god damn shoulder, I ate venison (deer meat) for the first time and didn't like it that much.

Flash forward a couple more years. I am living with my father still, in a town called not Alaska...and we lived in a small complex building. We stayed there when our father was there, and when he wasn't we stayed at our grandparents house.

My father was a truck driver, and took his Canadian wife so to speak on the road with him all the time. We had Christmas, etc. And the disturbing part is they had the loudest sex ever. It was disturbing.

Me and my brother Dakotah had a bunk bed, and stayed in the same room and we're close.

Then, one day, he decided to leave us at our grandparents and just leave with out a word. Everyone was worried about where we would go, so we got split up.

My little brother went with my aunt and uncle Jody and Robert, and me and my brother went with Jill and Darris. The fun part was that they had their own kids. So we had some company. The bad part? They pulled a double standard on us basically.

Trevor had a good time with Jody and them, then he had an accident where he slipped on alcohol at a baseball banquet, and slid into the corner of a table and split his head open at the fore head. Blood was everywhere....I mean everywhere. He was rushed to the hospital, and made it out alright, with a lot of stitches and scars.

My time living with my aunt and uncle was good for a time, until she started to take her frustrations out on me and my brother. She'd take our things, and make us do all the work and not have fun. It sucked.

Forward a bit of time. Me and my brother are helping her make the back sides of buttons, so they can get proccessed. It was a good deal! It was like 50 bucks for a tote of them things!

Then during my summer I had my accident. I was going to the local pool, and tried to cross traffic when it was busy, and had the right away, and a car came out of nowhere

I swirved to avoid being hit and my bike caught the sidewalk and pulled me along the curb and flung me off and my knee hit the stop light post. I say there clutching my knee in pain with tears running down my face and prole just kept driving by. My brother did nothing but yelled at me. The only people who stopped to help was a couple who was going to get milk for their baby from the bar, and they called my aunt and uncle, who came shortly, the couple stayed with me and helped me into the truck.

I lay on the couch in pain. We went to the ER, where I saw far worse injuries.

They took x rays and told me I had fractured the back of my knee. Have me vicodin and gave me crutches and sent me home and told me to get a brace.

I went to a physical therapist, and he told me that if I had hit the pole with a few more pounds of pressure, I would have shattered my knee cap.

I was on crutches for 6 weeks. My first year of high school and I was on crutches. Oh the joy! The year went by, I made friends and enemies, and also had another incident, where this kid put me on the door hinge while I was on crutches. I pulled myself off the door and fell to the floor hitting my bad leg first. Pain.
The kid only got a suspension and helped me afterwards with anything I needed.

Then, I had summer school. I took one of the most interesting classes, i've ever taken. Art for Self Expression.
The first week was wasn't art at all. We learned self defense and dance. The second week was actually painting.

My summer was okay, working with my aunt and getting more aggravated at her. She knew it and we made a decision to move to Alaska.

We worked doing the buttons thing, and saved enough money for our plane tickets.

I left during the summer of June 2004, and came to Alaska with my brother.

This started my life in Alaska.

Getting off the plane was interesting. Because I hadn't seen my mom for over 2 years. We saw her and drove to her house in Indian, which is 20 miles south of Anchorage.
And stayed there for about 2.5 years.

To explain my summer from 2004 to 2006, I was shy, and the town we lived in consisted of only 50 people.

I lived in the middle of the woods basically with bears and moose. The beauty is what makes me stay.
My time was spent taking photos, and meeting the locals and going to anchorage. I didn't know anyone at all. I met the local kids, only about 3 to be exact.

Her name was Kathleen, aka kitty. She is a huge drug abuser for being only 16.
Her father was creepy.

But I liked her house. The garden reminded me of alice in wonderland.

Forward sometime, I did my experimentation of drugs, and attended school.

I went to South Anchorage High School...worst school ever. Nothing but stuck up rich kids. The only cool people were the kids from girdwood and the only security guard I liked was Jeff Kohler.

To explain my 3 year attending South High, it sucked. The only classes I enjoyed were my psychology, culinary arts and creative writing class. I was a part of the gsa, and wandered the school aimlessly, I was one of the outcast kids.
I did my time, and hung out with my friends and had little problems, except for a few incidents of using the computer for inappropriate material, which I was fully finding myself out.

My one safe point was Jeff, he was the one I could tell anything to. I also had another incident with my creative writing teacher, in which one of my poems she considered me to be suicidal and referred me to the school counselor. As soon as I left his office, I laughed so hard he could hear me.

Graduation. That night, my aunt gave me a big nug of pot, and me and my best friend Clifton Blue and his girlfriend smoked and went to dinner at LoneStar steak house. At dinner I started crying. Why? Because I had no idea what I was going to be doing with my life now that school was over.

I worked a large amount of my summer at the Alyeska Prince Hotel at The Pond Cafe as a buser, and lived in a tent on the river bed with my sister during the summer in girdwood. We went to Forest Fair, which if you have no idea what it is, let's just say its the biggest pot smoking event in Alaska, next to bluegrass.

I moved back to Indian with my mother after some complications, and started working at the local gas station with her and one of the local kids.

I worked there from after high school till about September of 2006, when I moved to anchorage with Jeff.

My mom moved to wasilla with my brothers and her boyfriend. I worked at toys r us, and subway for a few months and had to leave anchorage due to financial problems.

I tried to find a job out in wasilla, but was unfortunate.
We all moved into anchorage with my sister, and before I moved in with Jeff, I originally was staying with my sister and her boyfriend Vincent.
I had no job and wasted my time away. So I fucked up on staying there.

When we all moved back into anchorage, I wasn't able to stay there due to my past mistakes, and also due to space.
I stayed with my grand mothers care taker for a while, which in 2006 my grandmother passed away, and was with her for about a week when my mom called and told me to figure out where I was going to stay.

I decided to go to the Covenant House, which is a homeless shelter for youth. I started my stay there in January 2007.

Now, to go back a bit, when I was living in wasilla, was when I came out to my mother. The most nerve wrecking thing to do ever. I was so scared, but the most amusing this is, she asked "is it worse than getting a girl preganent?" my words were. I don't know if this IS worse than that!

I told her and she said, "what's the problem? Your still my son, and I'll love you no matter what."

She met my first boyfriend Eric, and she told me sooner than later, that she knew I was gay. I first came out as being bi, but whatever, it helped me get my foot out of the closet.

I posted a blog on Myspace explaining everything. I of course got good and bad reactions

My twin was the first to find it out, cause he was downstairs at the library and read it and came up shocked and stared at me clueless and asked me if I was kidding.

Now, back to anchorage and the covenant house. My first night was tragedy, I felt like I had given up on myself.

Of course, I got through it and pushed through. I looked actively for a job, and found one as an over night janitor for the Dimond Center Mall...worst job ever!

I then got enrolled in the Covenant House's TLP (transitional living program) Rights Of Passage, where you can stay for up to a year.

My stay there was rocky. But fun, I met lots of people, quite my job at dimond, and was jobless for a while, then got hired at Carl's Jr. Hated that job as well! Worked there for about 2 weeks and just left.

Had my friend go in and return my uniform and grab my paycheck. We had a good time hanging out before he left back to California.

I then was jobless again, but made it look like I was working still. Played it off pretty damn well!

Then I was with my friend Tim, who I met earlier during the summer from my friend Nick. Funny part is, when I saw them, I was like...damn! Those guys are cute as hell!!!

Partied the first night I met them.

Then me and tim were hanging out at ROP, and we went to the transit center, where I first and finally went into the teen clinic, my friend Ursula was working there, and Rachel and Ursula told me about an opening. I applied right quick!

Waited for the call, went p my interview in a business suite and a mohawk.

Got the job.

Forward some time...I had a rocky start to working at the clinic, but fixed it all.

Then during the summer was my first pride fest. Absolutely loved it! Of course I did things I shouldn't have. I cheated on my boyfriend.

I also met the boys for Adam and Steve, and one of the directors for Four A's.

Forward some time, Alex the director from Four A's was at Project Homeless Connect, while I was, and let me say this. He is a very good looking man, and i've got a crush on him. Lmfao!

Well, he came up to me and started talking to me and heather, my boss.

And we started talking, he then started talking about an open position for Adam and Steve and gave me his business card.

I called about the job a few days later, and printed off the application and filled it out and made an interview.

The only experience I had was doing presentations, street outreach and clinical duties.

So I had atleast SOME experience!

The interview was a breeze, because we did a job training group for the clinic, and it had basic interview questions.

I had An answer prepared for every question they asked.

About a week later, I get an email from Alex saying call him ASAP. I was kinda worried yet excited!

It was a game of phone tag for a while, but I finally got him on the line and he told me the good news. I got the job!

Forward some time.

I'm working with Ted and Donald for Adam and Steve.
But alongside with working with Four A's, I started slacking at the clinic and did poor work, etc and did some bad things.

I resigned from the clinic and started focusing more on Four A's.

Which is where I am now.

Of course I skipped a few stories, but they are meaningless and have no use in here.

So now, at the current date, i've gone through a lot of troubles also

I've made great friends, and more! But also, I met some people who I would have rather not wanted to try to get to close to.

To skip past my partying and other shit, I fell head over heels for a boy.

This boy played a game with me for over 3 months, and I ended it just last week.
He knew I liked him, but he didn't make any insinuation to tell me that he didn't like me, or want me to stop, so I continued to purse after him.

I practically chased him at all times, and enjoyed him. He was my perfect drug.

But everyone told me to not. I should have listened.

To speed forward some, I recently gave him a letter stating how I felt fully, and dropped all communication with him, and have felt better than ever!

I realized chasing after him was hurting me, and a lot!

But recently, i've been doing good. My best friend/brother Teddy, can tell by the way my personality is coming back with new motife and sarcasm, and everthing.

I am also noticing that I'm changing, which is good! I feel like a change is what I need.

Move away from the past and move forward to my future!

Well, that's the story! I guess, if you have questions, ask!

There is no way I was gonna go into full detail, cause there are somethings that need to stay out of this, and for good reasons.

Hope you have all enjoyed reading my life!


Dr. Jared

Monday, January 12, 2009 Style

So Holy shit...I made an article in Style

Check it out!! Signature Style: Jared_AK

Il sognatore

There is a man in my nightmares.

He has dark in layed eyes, supple yet quivering lips, shifting eyes watching my every move.

He is the guardian in my nightmares, a mere representation of a man I've never met.

He keeps me safe and shows me the light in this perpetual darkness and realm of terror.

He is the dreamer in my nightmares, the answer to why I wake up, the question to why it ends to soon.

What is his name and why is he here? This man, this guardian, this dreamer, who lives in my head....

He knows I want him, oh so badly...but he is only a figment of imaginative exploitations, lust, jealousy, rage, sexual arousal.

But he is forbidden grounds, for he is only there to guide me....

The dreamer lives in is all.

The dreamer is the dream.

The title is Italian for: The Dreamer,

this poem is dedicated to my friend Shane who lives miles away from me...To you The Dreamer, a work of art worthy for the books....

I await to see you in my dreams soon again my friend.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Getting Tested

I recently watched this video from Manhunt Cares, which is one of the outlets we use for our online outreach at my office, and they are amazing people with truly benificial information for others to get on HIV & STI's.

It made me almost feel like walking to the front desk and telling Alex i wanted to get a test done now...but either way, i need to really get a test done soon, its been a while since i got my last one done...

Here's one of the videos i enjoyed from their website, its called "The Test".

God...I just wish that some people would just realize that HIV is a real thing, and its not just something that can go get it, and you've got it for life.
There is no cure, no nothing, only ways to stop the virus from infecting others, and to post-pone the mortality rate of an infected individuals life.

Some people need to be informed...I'm glad i do the work i do, because without people like me, there would be no useful information on HIV/AIDS or STI's, or anyone online in the gay chat rooms, etc. spreading the word about sexual health and all that jazz.

God, i'm just glad this week is over, its been fairly much emotions spilt and shit..Fuck!


Wednesday, January 7, 2009

A Sad Song

Song Of Sorrow

Your sitting there on the rocks,
beautifuly letting your hair fly with the wind.
The sad look on your face,
the times we spent together.
memories come,
memories go.
Love hurts
and it shows.
You sit on the rocks,
crying your song of sorrow.
Flood the world with your tears if you care,
just remember you'll always be there,
in my heart.
So sing, sing your song of sorrow.
cry by yourself or
cry by my side.
open the door
and walk in, and hope my complexion
doesn't blow my cover.
Let's leave this human race!
and sing
our song
of sorrow.

Lost & Found Poems

Lost & Found

Autumn Leaves This Time

The leaves come falling

In many different colours.

Red, orange, and yellow.

They fall to the ground

While crunching under my feet

With a soothing noise.

Sleeping While Your Awake

You’re staring at the front door.

While your eyes are wide open.

Your face will start to get sore.

As the pain starts to sharpen.

Your sleeping while your awake.

The world is all asleep

While the war creates the break.

All you see is the sheep.

Sleeping underground in the tunnels.

You feel the coldness coming.

You feel like your falling through a funnel.

While the sickness is coming.

How long will you sleep forever?

In this stage of eternal never?

Informal demons

They lurk inside of us all

These informal demons

They fancy the way we move,

Eat, sleep, make love.

They study our movements

Always watching ever so closely.

They make me their home,

They think I’m alone.

They just don’t know

That they can’t do this.

Slipping, I feel them pulsing.

Pulsing as you fall.

Spinning, the worlds spinning faster.

Faster and faster.



I can feel them

They are always near me

They keep me company

They are my friends.

I can feel the warmth

Their souls give off.

Melting this frigid

World I’m in.

Unlocked from my eternal prison.

Shadows On The Wall

Can you feel them?

Can you see them?

Can you hear them?

Can you?

I can feel them.

I can see them.

Can you?

They flicker across the wall

And are hidden behind objects of insight.

As The City Sleeps

We stand here and watch

As the city burns.

Everyone sleeps throughout

The ravishing flames

But we watch as our

City burns.

Ashes flitter by our faces.

As she starts to cry

Our fine city


Beat Me Till I Beg For Mercy

I’ve been trapped here for months, years.

Sitting here pondering the reason you betrayed my heart,

And put me in this cold dark cell.

With the only light that of the lantern hanging on the wall.

I try to move around, but am always stopped.

My legs are shackled to the wall.

Why would you betray me?

We both said we loved each other!

But you came down each time and beat me till you hear me beg for mercy.

How long will I be trapped in this pit?

Will I ever die? Or is this hell, and I’m already dead?

Reflection In The Mirror

I stare in the eyes in the mirror, coldness, sorrow.

I can see them emmiting from them.

My face feels cold and the tears run down my face,

Dabbaling at the corners of my chin.

Rain Days

The days slowly drain away, one by one.

The sounds turn from loud to the soft trickle of rain coming.

It feels cool to the touch.

Satisfying my dying thirst.

It runs down my arm to my fingertips and slowly falls from them.

The first drop comes down so fast, you can’t notice it.

The cooling breeze of wind against my face from the east rolls over the mountains and leaves its trail.

Then the rain comes down, cooling and comforting sound of the pitter-patter of the free falling droplets of water is as great as sleeping on a cloud.

The mightly ominous booming of thunder comes and goes, adding to the effect of this peacefully dreamful illusion.

I sit down on the smooth surface of the rock next to me and watch those falling droplets slowly make their descent into the distance of the falling sun.

The clouds shift as beams of glamorous light flood the remaining puddles of water.

While the glimmering effect of the streams of light create, the pure and amazing sight of the crystalline water.

Go ahead, walk off

Walk off, go ahead! Its none of my concern! You treat me like S#@%, like I need not exist, when its their faults and I at least do a bit.

Walk off, leave!

It doesn’t matter to me. You walk off to escape from the anger and tension in the house.

Fine, leave, go!

I can never leave, but you can always leave.

Go leave!

Go ahead, walk off!

We are all wasting our time on petty things.

So just go ahead, walk off!

My hand around your heart

I’ve got you in my clench now,

Holding my hand around your heart.

You’ll love me forever.


I’ve got you where I want you,

But you seem to slip out of my reach.

I can feel my hand loose grip.

She ran away.

I can see terror in your face now,

Which used to be replaced by happiness.

Was it something I said?

Was it something I did?

Why are you runnin gaway?

I walk back inside and sit down,

I can still see the first day we met.

Your eyes gleamed with happiness as we locked eyes.

I am I

I am my own comclusion

I am my own lover

I am my own self confession

I am my apathy.

I am I.

I am I.

I am the strong

I am the proud

I am the self-righteous

I am the narcissist

I am the shattered ego.

I am I.

Old School Poems

Dancing Through Sunday

At such as young age,
I was never taught to dance.
Never taught to move my feet.
Dancing wasn’t all the huge thing that it seemed to be cut out to be.
As we move on to the next higher age,
Middle School,
Our gym class had been turned into a dance class!
The jitterbug, the boxtrot, the waltz, just some of the few that we had learned.
Classical dancing was never really my “style”.
To much to learn.
Nowadays, still no dancing,
But disco will roll on through Sunday.
Flash over to the image of a child in his room,
Headphone’s blaring,
Feet pounding to the beat.
Can’t you feel that baseline?
Ratalling like a snake,
Ready to bit and feast.
Images of old clash with new,
People only danced the way they did because they felt free!
Nowadays, it’s this teeny-bop contest,
Bodies grinding in the club.
People colliding in the Mosh Pit.
Bloody cits, broken bonez, fractured jaws, black bruises.
10,000 people clashing, pushing, shoving,
Welcome to the Mosh Pit.
Run the gauntlet,
Hope you make it through.
The baseline sends its poison,
Rushing through everyone,
Creating violence.
Which runs it’s course throughout the veins of the monstrous mob.
People clashing like stars crashing
In the skies, producing meteor showers.
Do you see now?
Can you see it clearly?
People will go on continually,
Dancing through Sunday.

Revolution Not Evolution

continue life as it goes.
ife has been set on pause,
everyone is slow, not available at the moment,
"if you would like to leave a message for your party, please stay on the line..."
where is that voice from?
the one that speaks in foreign tongues?
cross the T's dot the i's (eyes).
follow the large white lines,
jump from each one to the other.
an/ ocean of time seperates you from now.
meteor showers. electrical storms, acid rain
is this the coming of an end of days?
or is it the mothers of the children
sent to war?
their children being slaughtered by a foreign man?
"and so help me god!"
where is that voice?
the preacher man spoke of proverbs and psamls,
we only burned the holes in our palms...
Greater than god himself.
the devil flys on wings of lead,
so hoe does god know we have done such vile things?
"that snitch! I'll kill the little bastard!"
his best friend,
wait that's what he called him,
come to find out he's been planning your entire downfall for ages.
flames surround us in the end,
others lifeless bodies lay crumpled on the ground.
"what did we do to deserve this?"
that voice seems to come back
i can recall it faintly,
from a dream way back.
i saw a woman and her child lie on the ground.
our downfall is our own self-destruction.
the only evolution is revolution.

TV Headlines Lie!

Their screams turned to whispers as I opened the door.

The man that said he loved them, now a murderer.

Clutching the corpse of his long loved children,

Blood dawns the walls, bed covers and himself.

His soft whimpering seems to amplify to an earth shattering cry.

He never knew life could be so fragile in all its existence.

“god shall strike down upon his soul with great vengence upon all who oppose him and he shall perish in the flames of eternal torture and deception.”

Headline’s stream across the airwaves screaming


Churches fear the worst and make service in each day.

Mothers clutch your young in fear that he may strike again.


The headlines scream conspiracy and everyone fears the worst, “the wrath of god will be struck down upon this poor soul and he shall burn in the flames of Hell!” screams the reverend as he sits in his chair.

Secrets never lie, the priest was the original contribution to this horrid crime.

In the back room of the church, the whimpering of a boy can be heard.

The man’s voice cuts the air,

“shut up you little shit! And remember god wants you to do this…”


The man you though was your savior, your messiah, is only a pedophile. Slain in front of your I’s you witness the brutal destruction of your futile existence.

2 Poems

Abysmal Black Nights

It’s like a freight train, coming down the tracks at 326 mph, and your trapped right in the middle of the tracks.

You can’t move, you’re feet seem to be GLUED to the ground.

It’s getting closer; you can feel the ground rumbling from the enormous amount of speed and weight.

Redrum, Redrum, Redrum!

“Sorry Miss’s Torrance, Timmy can’t come out to play today.”

The skies turn to a haze of purple and violet crimsoned Hughes.

The train is getting there, you can see the headlights right around the bend.

It clutches you like the cold slimy hand of the undead begging at your feet for a treat.


That train is gone, your nowhere near tracks now.

But where are you?

You look around. The world seems to be a calming and relaxing shade of baby blue skies.

Then out of the silence of hearing birds chirping and children laughing,

The skies of your pure and fantasy world collide with the realms of hate, fear and lust.


Insanity at its finest.

You clutch your head in pain and anguish,

It feels like something on the inside is trying to get out!

Screams of terror and pain echo throughout this 4d world.

The world begins to spin and swell around your sight.

Yellow, Red, Orange.

You feel immense amounts of heat burning at your face.


The screams turn to an instant silence,

Black abysmal nights, violet hues around the edges of objects.

Alien figures crawl across this darkest night sky,

They look towards the sky, as if though looking for something not graspable.


The world turns and slowly spins into a slow spin of turning revolutions.

Pain, agony, and suffering all seem to disappear from your mind and sight.


The sky is back to that peaceful baby blue ocean color, almost resembling Destruction Bay.

You find yourself awaking from an awkward dream,

You faintly remember what happened or how you got here.

You get up and walk into the now setting horizon.


Red Rose of Sharyn

Red is the color of the roses that they set on your coffin.
For the world cried on the day that you were pulled into this tragedy.
Everyone at your funeral wore black,
I wore red.
The color of blood & fire; life & vitality
To worship you in this tragic aftermath of love once lost.
The color meant all that was you in life,
Now it’s as if though you still are here,
Just as the old proverbs speak: Even through death, mortal love still prevails.
The women had their veils pulled over and the men wore suits of black-death.

The silent sobs of the fellow friends and family could be heard,
But none was greater than that of mine.
The clergy man said his prayers, just as the others did.
My time to speak,
To speak of the love, the passionate fire that was you.
Candle’s glowed around dark area,
The color of the soft flames flickered on the marbled wood.
My life seemed to end in that moment,
My fire of life & love had been extinguished.

I clutched my hands in each palm,
My blood began to boil.
The price of life is not as beautiful as her face was.
The red blush she brushed on before we left each night,
Made me cry inside.
The heart I once had, now is black and cold.
The love I once had, full of fire and life,
Now extinguished.

The color that is you.
The passion of your existence.
It’s not the price of your life.

The color of our love, now lost in the sea’s of fire.

My First Friday Event

New New New! Latest Installments

so yeah, heres the material i performed at my first friday exhibition, sometime soon ill get the photos up, but along side with these, im including some of the pieces i was expecting to put in, but due to controversial issues, language, suggestive topics, they had to be here for your enjoying please...


continue life as it goes.
ife has been set on pause,
everyone is slow, not available at the moment,
"if you would like to leave a message for your party, please stay on the line..."
where is that voice from?
the one that speaks in foreign tongues?
cross the T’s dot the i’s (eyes).
follow the large white lines,
jump from each one to the other.
an/ ocean of time seperates you from now.
meteor showers. electrical storms, acid rain
is this the coming of an end of days?
or is it the mothers of the children
sent to war?
their children being slaughtered by a foreign man?
"and so help me god!"
where is that voice?
the preacher man spoke of proverbs and psamls,
we only burned the holes in our palms...
Greater than god himself.
the devil flys on wings of lead,
so hoe does god know we have done such vile things?
"that snitch! I’ll kill the little bastard!"
his best friend,
wait that’s what he called him,
come to find out he’s been planning your entire downfall for ages.
flames surround us in the end,
others lifeless bodies lay crumpled on the ground.
"what did we do to deserve this?"
that voice seems to come back
i can recall it faintly,
from a dream way back.
i saw a woman and her child lie on the ground.
our downfall is our own self-destruction.
the only evolution is revolution.

Now I lay me down to sleep,If I die before I wake,
Then my night time dreams cause the Earth To Quake,

for sake of good for goodness sake,
these bitch ass kids talk nothing but hate,
intake out take
words fuel fire for combustion thrustin gas chamber bustin,
Wise words to the chosen,
friendly foes fight for faculty facts frozen,
mysteriously unknown lies we know were knowin,
Our eye’s are glowin,
My chest expands,
Instead of killing one another we just shake hands,
We must make demands,
Some new rules to follow,
I’m at the Oracle of Apollo,
Asking questions,
making confessions,
Sins past down from days of old,
If we leave out facts then the stories untold,
The world brings out glories when the truth unfolds,
The world grows cold as the plagues unleashed,
The survival guide to terrorism this they’ve never reached
Some bullshit lies is the reason why we fought,
Killers kill kill until they finally caught,
this world’s hatred in school they never taught,
How to deal with emotions when your coastin down hill,
And you lost in depression,
The doctors confused everybody’s second guessin,
What went wrong with that kid that night,
what was he thinking when he took his life,
Theres a way out to make it all right,
This way I know that only few found,
But You gotta ask yourself,
You willing do be down?
Down with the fam and not just yourself,
Cuz then you down wit some people always there to help,
All races colors sizes and religions,
This life is for real Believe me I aint kiddin,
Were not about the life style pop culture fag phase,
Just some people on a search for better days,
Anway’s, are blood types J positive,
Positively positive we never give in,
Were growing in numbers,
we watch the word gaze in aw,
Were all for one and one for all,
But if your not down with everyone,
Your not down at all,
Sometimes you confused you just don’t know,
But if you roll with us,
You’ll be certain you’re a Juggalo,
And if your a female and sad a lo will be your hug-a-lo
And If your a male we give you a dap dog,
cause we family,
And that’s a fact dog.


untitled firefight:

i watched the bullets fly in one direction.
she tossed herself into her first firefight.
will you listen to me as a pistol is put to my temple?
and hear the secondhand serenade of smoke rolls from out my mouth?
and star crossed lovers we shall be.
a classic romeo and juliet story of modern day romantics to weep to.
we shall go out in a firefight of bullets and blood.
"i say the future’s been drawn, so there’s no point in living" i whispered into your ears.
"dont ask my permission" she said crying to me.
when the stars cross the skies,
we shall know each other as we die.
she lent me her hand in an effort to give me her affection,
but i was only lost in with my own directions.
we shall go on down the road to strawberry fields,
forever we shall be together.
the red,
then to the bed.
we multiplied ourselves into 0’s and 1’s,
then divided ourselves into each other
as the skin of the drum was beaten upon,
we we’re looked down by the dead gods.
they mock us, saying we aren’t meant to be.
but what we could see was what was not to be seen.
i told her i wasn’t trying to be mean,
she told me i looked a little green.
face meets concrete in a heartbeat,
no time to run to my seat.
i stare at her face from the ground and see the twisting faces beging to grab her.
she screams.
the skin of the drum is pulled ever closer to ripping.
i can feel myself begining to slip.
"we shall both meet again in hell" she spoke in my ear as i watched her walk away.
never again will i be treated like your doormat,
be pushed to my edge till i’m like a gat.
i can feel the wind picking up as i walk through the fields of burning oil.
sent to the war to pick up the duties of the fallen.
so many people are dying at this moment,
and we never take the dying sense to have remorse.
except the weeping mothers, the dying fathers, the wounded hearts we keep on our sleeves.
cause no one ever does.
no one ever does.
the preacher man speaks in tongues to my ears,
as i grip my fist harder and harder.
my knuckles turn white from the blasphemies.
i can’t read between the line any longer,
the words begin to blur as i read the paper headlines.
our story of undying love and fear,
and murder and injustices has finally been known to the world.
i can hear the skin of the drum being banged on faster and louder.
the life of our sons and daughters interupted by the fear that lies beneath the water.
do we sink or do we swim?
do we look or do we turn?
do we live or let die?
can i just give it all up and find a medium for my tranquility?
again, our star-crossed romance seems to be a tragic love story.
nothing like the original material quoted in books bound by blood.
..children slaved over the materials we work for each day.
the skin of the animals bound as our covers
again the beating of the drum continues on evermore.
"MAE i inquire the reason for this meeting sir?"
the man stands before you, dressed in a suit.
his pants iron neatly, the creases to a perfect point.
does he realize he’s to perfect for this world?
can we just end everything and give it up to the greater good to decide our fates?
entwined in the fate of our love,
we scurry across the fields of oil,
the fires never die here.
the fires never die.
the fire.
red hot, pulsing with vengance for blood.
the fires which request more children to feed upon.
the fires which request more woman to feed upon.
the fires which request for the world.
the skies only want to give us air,
but we deny that rite and pollute and contaminate it.
but its always been know that everything goes without saying.
in words we speak,
in tongues we write.
everything goes knee-jerk ass backwards.
right is wrong,
wrong is right.
murder is justice,
justice is murder.
we feed upon the lives of the fallen,
and give nothing in exchange for the gifts.
greed and lust is all we know.
we cast our spells during full moons,
hoping to lure each other into our arms,
but we kept our charms in boxes marked with symbols of protection.
hoping no one found out our secrets.
i said that i cared.
but i knew it was nothing.
she said she knew of my secrets,
saying she was going to reveal me to the world for who i really am.
for i am sam.
i am labeled by your mothers clutching their children as the bad man.
i am sam.
i watched her slowly on the webcam every night,
she would let me get something to see in sight.
i know its not the most pleasurable thing, but everything seemed right.
i am michael.
i read the book of the dead to your children at night in their dreams.
i am the one who corrupts your politics,
creates and crafts all your injustices for your minds to feed upon.
i am michael.
the story goes on forever everyone.
will you be there in time to listen to it?
do you believe that we are all destined for something greater?
or will you join me as i walk along the burning fields of oil?
yes my friends,
do you remember the story of the burning oil?
almost everything set ablaze by our own mankind.
we burned and raped the land of its beauty for crude materials.
we lie ourselves to sleep in our shallow graves next to the ocean.
can you not hear it brothers and sisters!
the oceans call for us!
the crashing of waves against rugged rocks of marble and granite.
can you not feel the trembling force of the horns as they speak our names?
they tumble over our lifeless bodies as we soak in the sun.
we lie dead on the beaches of mother earth,
i am the mother.
i am the one who takes care of you,
i am the one who gets raped by you.
you are my children,
but your killing me off slowly each day.
come my children, listen to the story that will roll from my lips as i quote past scriptures of latin.
are you listening to me now?
the story of the sow,
the one who grazed to far from the fields.
she lost her life if you recall,
just exactly like the story of the curious oysters.
no my children, it is not a bedtime story for us to cringe in fear at.
these are no man’s myths my brothers and sisters.
we are at war.
i am the lost soul of retribution.
will you listen to me as i cry my heart out?
will you hear my song of the banshee?
i will shatter the world around us and show you the truth,
the truth that you overlooked.
i am the mirror of the world,
i reflected the truth from you all.
so please listen my brothers and sisters,
come my children one and all,
come my fathers and mothers.
listen to our stories.
don’t judge us due to our calls of nature to speak in words
or to write in tongues.
we deserve one more chance to be worthy,
we deserve to be accepted for who we are!
do you still not listen to our stories?
i have given you my story,
the story to the lovers,
the story to the rejects,
the story to the lost ones,
the story to the sobbing mothers,
the story to the angst teens,
the story to the reluctant fathers.
this is the story to the messenger,
who shall deliver the message to you all,
in due time my friends,
we shall view the opposite in real time.
we shall swim with the giants in the ocean
as the others sink,
you have the choice,
do you choose to sink or swim?
do we see the truth or look away?
the story is the same each time,
but its always changing.
"thats an oxymoron" says the wise-man.
"no its not kind sir. it is the truth, take a look at your own life, and come back to me with an answer." says the child who was born from the sea.
birthed in the ocean depths,
we watched as she emerged from the jagged rocks near the mouth of the bay.
a burst of light and the earth shook.
for hours it seemed, then the skies turned to grey
as we saw a figure walk along the water towards us.
from the bay to the beach.
we are met by her.
she has come.
she is everything.
she is the hitchhiker of souls,
she is the stewardist who conducts us to the exit row of the plane.
"by all mean’s captain, by all means"
the voice has come,
the one who speaks to you in war and commands you to fight for something never won.

this piece right here, is a bit where the controversy plays in, but here goes...

Their screams turned to whispers as I opened the door.

The man that said he loved them, now a murderer.

Clutching the corpse of his long loved children,

Blood dawns the walls, bed covers and himself.

His soft whimpering seems to amplify to an earth shattering cry.

He never knew life could be so fragile in all its existence.

"god shall strike down upon his soul with great vengence upon all who oppose him and he shall perish in the flames of eternal torture and deception."

Headline’s stream across the airwaves screaming


Churches fear the worst and make service in each day.

Mothers clutch your young in fear that he may strike again.


The headlines scream conspiracy and everyone fears the worst, "the wrath of god will be struck down upon this poor soul and he shall burn in the flames of Hell!" screams the reverend as he sits in his chair.

Secrets never lie, the priest was the original contribution to this horrid crime.

In the back room of the church, the whimpering of a boy can be heard.

The man’s voice cuts the air,

"shut up you little shit! And remember god wants you to do this…"


The man you though was your savior, your messiah, is only a pedophile. Slain in front of your I’s you witness the brutal destruction of your futile existence.

tonight my friends, we dance with the devil in the fields of burning oil.
tonight my friends, tonight.
will you listen to my heart as it beats into breakdowns?
do you understand my philisophical tongues of ancient prophecies?
do you understand that we are living out age old testaments that heretics wrote?
do you even consider believing?
do you ever stop to think about your life?
have you ever been to the land of oz?
are you even listening?
"mister? hey mister! are you alright?"
run along little boy,
mommy isn’t doing well today,
she has called in sick.
she still nursed you back to health,
she still cares for you.
but you struck her and told her she was a lair.
she waited,
and still waits for you.
can you not see her with open arms as we prayed to her each day?
our god is NOT a MALE god.
for HE is She.
she is all that will and shall be.
the youth of civilization understand that she is come.
my hearing seems to be impaired.
have i been listening to lies all my life?
have i been force-feed tons of bull**** from others?
yes, i have been told who i NEED to be, and not who I WANT to be.
the government pays for it you know,
they kept her hidin away for years,
they made sure her existence fell onto deaf ears.
"no use in keeping it secret any longer sir."
"release the hounds then"
the ghosts of hounds bound off into the night,
ravaging innocent bystanders will malicious thoughts of life.
who are you?
why are you here?
have you ever evaluated your life my audience?

will you please give me an example sir?


well i will read something to you then.
the story of a young man,
this story is all the bit truth, no tell-tale lies.
this boy came to me one day, and told me his story,
but it was not to be told by mouth, for they listen to us.
they are around at all times, and they are always aware.
the walls my friends,
yes the walls have ears.

here is the journal of a boy.
the journal is real, like i said before....
no tell-talle lies.

(insert journal here)

any questions my audience?
any one?
any one at all?

(if a question arises..answer)

thank you.
now if i might,
i must tend to the other stories of forgotten souls and lost lovers.
for i am the storykeeper,
my mind the book that is written in,
my lips, the utinsel to preach their stories to the world.
have you listened enough?
we have many more stories.
they fill my head will stories,
ranging from happiness to sadness,
to anger to fear,
to hate to love.

i shall end my session with a final line,
i shall quote a line from a very powerful writer,
Saul Williams is his name.

intelligence is intuitive
you needn’t learn to love
unless you’ve been taught
to fear and hate

ponder these words my audience,
please and after doing so,
open your minds to the imagination,
let it wander like the wind,
which is the moon’s imagination wandering from it’s mind.
stop to smell the roses,
stop to think of your children
stop to thing of the people we loose each day.
then stop and think of yourself.

thank you

lying crumpled on the floor, we awake from our dreams of destruction.
we look around and see the buildings laying in ruins,
we see the smoke of fire’s still burning cutting across the sky,
there is no blue skies for us any longer
only the black and red clouds of acid rain.
the taste of copper lingers in my mouth
you can still hear the sounds of the bomb dropping on the city streets.
the revolution is not over yet, we are the waiting.
the bodies of friends and family lie strewn across a dead end street
glass bottles break under the the childrens feet as we scurry across the city ruins.
someone is watching us, and we can tell by the defening silence.
can you hear it?
nothing, absolution at the peak of man-kind’s "perfect plan" for a "perfect world"
the government thought they had destroyed the weak, but we rise in numbers
this is the rise of the new age, The Age Of Evolution. and its the fall of Revolution and Society.
a new society shall be built, statues shall be ERECTED.
we shall search for survivors.
just another dream? you wake up in a cold sweat from the safety of your bed.
you fall back down and look at the woman next to you.
out of the bedroom and into the bathroom,
you notice cuts on your face, what happened last night?
walking out you leave the money on the table and leave.
driving back you notice a light shining bright in the sky.
"thats not the north star either" say a voice in the back seat.
the car swerves as you look into the back seat wondering who the hell that was.
the blast knocks everything around you down.
what happened here?
the revolution has started,
nations bomb each other in revolt.
an equivalent of the cold war, but this is no battle between the Russians and America.
this is a full-fledged war of the world, World War III has come.
The atomic bombs have been kept locked up for ages, collecting dust on them.
The rockets used for "tests" are now launched against everyone they see that is an enemy.
rolling in bed,
dreams frightening.
what the hell is going on?
is this a real war?
or is it just another dream?
you wake up lying crumpled on the floor,
smoke creeps into senses as you pull yourself off the floor.
looking around, it seems real, but is it for real this time?
a page of a book plutters down into the puddle in front of you.
it reads...
"Anciet secrets lie within it..."
The story of the mouse and the owl.
Memories flow towards you like bullets through water.
It is real this time,
nothing is a dream any longer.

and thats all folks....till later

Short Stories

Story from the Nursing Home - Locked In Tight

Originally this was a pscychology project assignment, and it seemed fair for people to read and give a review, so here is something entirely new from my mind...enjoy!
(Note: This is entirely fictional and is not to be taken as real…thank you…)


(This is a transcribed version of a voice conversation between a young man and an older woman, on her feelings of being “tossed” into a nursing home. The names of these people have been withheld and switched.)


Hayden: So what were your initial feelings of being put in here? Did you feel any feelings of disownment from you own children or something greater?

Ruth: Well, I felt a little like my own children, my own flesh and blood so to speak, did disown me. It didn’t seem understandable why they “tossed” me in here. Outside of here I lived very peacefully and I took care of myself with some help from my personal assistant. All I know is that one day they came to my house and started packing my things in boxes and took me here! I was perplexed at the reason, which they still didn’t tell me.

Hayden: So you mean to tell me that your kids took you there and left you? Have they ever stopped to say hi or visit? Do they keep any contact or do they distance themselves from you entirely, like you don’t even exist anymore?

Ruth: Well, they call, but only once every month. They never stop to say hi or come to visit. I haven’t even seen my own grandchildren in so long! My feelings change from time to time. The only thing that I have to realize that I’m cared for is my friends who stop by, but that only fills part of the void of what my children have created.

Hayden: Wow, this is pretty intense and is very deeply rooted as I can tell. Have you tried to call them in any way? Have you requested to them that you would like to see your own grandchildren?

Ruth: I have indeed multiple times contacted them, but I always get their answering machine. They have sent me pictures of them, but they still never stop in.

Hayden: That’s sad, and makes me angered at the moment. If I get to your current age, please to no offense…(Ruth says something in the background…) I would be mad at my own children also! So the only company you ever have is the friends in your apartment complex?

Ruth: Yes, they are the only people who talk to me, stop by or even bring me gifts from time to time.

Hayden: So what are your overall feelings of being placed there and being “locked” in so to speak? Do you feel like your life has just been thrown away or that the only family you have any more is your friends?

Ruth: My overall feelings would be that yes, I do feel “locked” in and that these people are my only friends, but at the same time I do feel a bit of sympathy for my children also.

Hayden: Why is that?

Ruth: Because they just may not have the time or other unpredictable situations seem to creep in and destroy their plans. But it would make my entire life complete if they did come to see…(the doorbell can be heard in the background)…could you please hold for a second Hayden…(Hayden mutters something inaudible into the phone)…

(A commotion of sound can be heard in the background on the phone. Suddenly the soft voice of Ruth picks up.)

Ruth: Speak of the devil; my wishes seem to have come true…

Hayden: Is that so? I hope you like your gift Ruth

(Ruth suddenly tries to speak into the phone, but she can only hear the soft beeping of the other end.)

Dodging Bullets In The Night

(Attention: The style of writing (which has been adopted as the Tarantino **** is the style of writing in this story!)

“Oh Jesus Fucking Christ!” It’s the only thing I could speak at that exact moment in time. The bullet cackled through the crisp midnight air and pierced my femur. Pain surged from the now fully exposed and bleeding flesh wound. Blood was running, red like the burning sands on the Red Sea’s coasts. There was no Moses to part the sea at the time of my faux pas, no spreading of the seas to protect me from my silhouetted assailant. I had to shamble my way to the large Titan steel doors. My laughter echoed off the walls back to my still ringing ears. That M7 grenade that they tossed at me 20 minutes ago damaged my ears so bad; I think they may even be bleeding. As I heard my laughter, I also heard the footsteps of my assailant inch closer. The wrought iron doors in the other room creaked ominously open. I was only 8 ft. from the doors. It hadn’t dawned on me yet. Damn! It skipped across my mind that they needed the security code to unlock the set of 5 steel bolts. My mind was racing on for what felt like forever, it was interrupted by the rattling of empty bullets hitting the ground. “Any last words Mr. Masanobu?” I turned to see my assailant, hoping to get a final look before my final passing hour of life ceases to exist.
Let’s take back time that has been lost. My name is Akita Masanobu, my life and profession is in the career of something that is not the most proper job. Assassinations, it’s run in my family for decades. We are part of the Genyōsha, an ultranationalist group, but years into being formed it became corrupted with evil and vile men. They wanted more power than what was laid before them; greed strikes the hearts of vile men. Soon after many years of trying to reverse these twisted “side effects”, my father and the rest of my family was slain. The committee saw us as vile oppressors of their new direction. I survived the massacre, and since that day I have sworn vengeance upon my family. Each day and every breathing second I take, I get closer to the truth and ten steps closer to my enemies.
My life is in shrouds of mystery and tales of old in the eyes of my friends, no one expects this to be my job. The only people who know I’m coming are those who deserve it, and as far as I can tell, fear should be creeping up their spines. I sat down in the slightly crowded diner and waited for the server. I watched as a tall slender girl of almost 25 years of age, walk towards me. “What can I get for you babe?” She spoke in a courteous voice, while stretching her arm with a menu in hands towards me. “Um, can I just get a coffee for now?” I said as I turned my face slightly to meet her gaze. “Do you want it black or decaf?” She asked beaming at me. “I’ll take it black.” She noted the creamers & sugars on the table before she turned on her heels and spun towards the counter. She came back almost instantaneously with my heated beverage. I looked up and down the menu and set it down. She left to tend to another table, which each time she walked she spun on her heels. I pulled my bag closer and opened it up. There was the large manila envelope staring back at me. At that moment I was praying to whatever God may be up right now to thank Saitou for this spectacular information. My mission and targets.
The vile oppressors who have started this righteous act of nemesis.
Boss Matsiki
Age: 48
Sex: Male
Bio: Previously former administrator to Shinsu Masanobu, he was the one who led the small party of mauraders on Akita’s family.
Under boss Sanbou
Age: 33
Sex: Female
Bio: Sanbou was originally the secretary for the Ultranationalist group, until the massacre occurred; she and Boss Matsiki have a ‘close’ relationship. (Possibly the way she got to this position in such little time.)
Administrator Takahashi
Age: 37
Sex: Male
Bio: Takahashi was (before the massacre) 3rd in command officer. Obviously Matsiki has given him more power than before.
2nd in Command Officer Nabuhashi
Age: 28
Sex: Male
Bio: (Nothing is currently known about Nabuhashi, for it seems that Matsiki has had him ‘specially’ trained.)
3rd In Command Officer Bakinshu
Age: 63
Sex: Male
Bio: Originally from the Pearl Harbor incident, he has much knowledge of history and supposedly gives Matsiki insight on information on related subjects.

This mission seemed like suicide to some, but to me, it was a revolt against the tyranny of evil men. I sat at the little diner for a while more, got up paid my bill and left. Driving around is hard, due to the massive amounts of traffic, so walking is your best bet. I need to overview the rest of these files and find their locations and begin this ‘hunt’. After 20 minutes of walking I’m in the local park, quiet, peaceful. I open the folder and review the information again. I pull out my pad and jot down notes about the places they would be and the times they do them.
Saitou said on a note in the envelope:
Destroy this evidence after you get it. After the assignment is done, destroy all evidence. Good luck and God speed Akita.
Saitou was like a sister to me, she has taken care of me ever since that day. Each year on Feb. the 14th, the day in my life that will never be shaken. Known around now as The Bloody Valentine Massacre, everybody thought it was a “suicide party”. No one knew the actual truth other than me, and no one believed me, except for Saitou. Saitou is a 27 yr. old with a life, unlike me, she has two kids and a boyfriend. She feeds me information on the committee, and she tends to me as well as her family. It seems stressful for me to think of her doing all this, but she says it is what she must do.
In return for her doing that she told me to take my revenge, but it wouldn’t give me the possible outcome I wanted. She knew well, “revenge is a dish best served cold”. Revenge was a cruel thing, but hate and murder would never bring them back. The satisfaction of having it would only fulfill the void that has taken it’s place in my body, mind, and soul.

[D]evil's [D]irty [D]eed's [C]hapters [1-3]

*The Original Page Can Be Found At:

[C]hapter [1]

I just stood there. Staring at the heap of things that lay beneath that cloth. I had to look, just to help with the case. My name’s Will Clayton, I work for the CSI. I’ve been working with them for just a year now, and I’ve seen things I wish I never had. My newest case was that of the infamous reappearance of Jack the Riper. Although Jack has been dead for way to many years, this seems to be a copycat of the murders that happened those years ago. A hooker, disturbing murder techniques and she was found in an alleyway were no one could notice or would care that a hooker would have been slaughtered. This case has been going for at least half a year now, but there have been only 4 murders, 1 including a little child. This copycat seems to also leave a “calling card”; he skins the victims’ heads clean. Is this some kind of sick joke? No. It evens gives me chills through my spine, especially since my encounter with this killer. Yes, I meet them, well sort of bumped into them on a stroll through the park and bumped into them while I was over viewing some files. I never would have thought that that person was going to be the one I was going to be chasing for weeks on end. But back to now. I picked up the corner of the sheet; the stench of the body was already filling the room second by second. I was going to throw up, this happens to me most of the time, but this was horrible. What I heard from the officers at the scene, it was as if though this was like some sick and twisted kind of love scene. It was.

Walking into the room, you could just see the violet light streaming from under the curtains if you looked in from outside. The drapes were dawned down, clad with wet blood. The sheets on the bed seemed to be like a black hole, with the color in the violet light Chains were just randomly hanging from the ceiling, with some whips and blindfolds on a rack near the closet. The closet was fully open; nothing was touched or even hit with blood. Maybe we may be able to find some prints to lift from there. “The weapon could be anywhere in this god damn room!” I heard an officer yell out in agony with fear in his voice. Officers seemed to be very scarce now, but I didn’t mind it. I could hear the sound of the blood being sucking up against the body pulled with the sheet resonating in the room. I finally pulled it off. The sight…blood seemed to be as if though there was a lake, she must have bleed to death in seconds. I noticed the marks on her feet, taking note. She had cuts and stab wounds all around her body. Her mouth had cuts across the corners of her mouth, as if though the killer wanted her to smile forever, even in death. What a sick, demented person is all I was thinking. She had the leather bound straps still around her wrists. She was stabbed to death while she was tethered down. She must have been able to get off the bed and move to the floor, but the killer got to her first. The phone cord also was wrapped around her neck. My head started doing circles, I have to leave is all I was thinking. I quickly stumbled out of the room and out the front door and threw up all over the lawn. One of the officers outside quickly ran to my side. “Are you okay?” Yeah, it’s just the sick and twisted things that I just saw. “Wow, it must be bad. Right?” Yeah. “Are you going to be okay?” Uh-huh, all I need is a breather. “Okay.” I walked back inside after about 5 minutes of being outside. It was getting cold, especially now. I walked back in the room, everyone knew that I couldn’t stand the sight, and kept to themselves. I quickly diverted my attention from the sheet, which had been dawned over the woman again to the drops of blood that lead to the bathroom. I walked in there and found it was less gruesome. Nothing seemed to be disturbed except for the bloodstains in the sink, and on faucet. There on the mirror written in what was either lipstick or paint or even blood: There will be moreThat message seemed to stick in my head. Sickening me to the bone. There was a fine white powder on a small hand mirror by the toilet; I knew it was either coke or some other drug After we all started to pack up I noticed something in the bathroom, but thought maybe I should turn in and check it out on my own time. A good nights rest is all that I need for the rest of my life! I was tired and it was starting to show by the time. 3:38 a.m. Good God! I’ve been up how long? Quickly driving home as if though I am a mother fearing the life of her children in the presence of their abusive father. Opening the door I automatically hear the chronic yet soft beeping of the answering machine. I knew that either all or one of the messages was from my ex-wife, calling me about paying my child support bills, which I have paid all the time. Or she’s telling me to take the kids for the weekend so she can go and visit her boyfriend Mañuel (her Spanish snot-nosed prissy suck-up boyfriend). She never seems to take care of the kids, so I have them most of the time and they ask me about some of my cases and how I help them. They always love it when they get to dress up in the lab suits and act like they are solving a crime scene at home. I always create a “scene” for them and we set a time of 3 days to find out who done it. Just like clue I walk up to the answering machine, 5 NEW MESSAGES. Five wow. That’s a lot of messages for one day, which I usually get less than three a day. I click the PLAY button; you can hear the click of the machine as it starts to play the messages. *Uh…hello, is this the Clayton residence? My name is Paul Winnow, and I need to ask you a few questions about your cred…* Shut the hell up, is all I have to say. Click…**Listen You bashtard, yoush better pick up yersh kidsh. Takesh them for the weekendsh. Call me you asshole.** God, drunk again. As usual I need to drive all the way across town to go pick them up at 5:18. And I just came from over there, but why didn’t she call my cell? Oh…that’s right she was drunk and can’t remember anything except for the numbers on her speed dial! Jesus Christ! Oh well, at least I can have someone in my house that can keep me company. Click…**…** Damned telemarketers Click…**Hello William. I’ve been watching you. As a matter of fact I’m right outside your door. ** Click. Uh…that got me a bit started, especially when I did notice the bushes moved. But it may have been Ryan, my black and white tabby cat, chasing after a mouse. Suddenly the doorbell rings of the hook. Ding, Ding, Ding! God, I hope this isn’t some sick joke. I look through the peephole and notice my best friend Gale standing in the dim faded light of my porch ringing the doorbell. Okay? I open the door. “When were you going to answer the door? God you can sometimes be so mean and leave your friends in the cold!” Well you know, I just got off work like 2 hours ago and had to drive from the other side of town. And now I have to pick up my kids. “Damn…rough night then?” Yeah, did you figure that out so fast Sherlock? “Yeah, and you can lay of the attitude man. Christ.” Sorry. “Well did you get my message?” What message? “Hello William. I’ve been watching you. As a matter of fact I’m right outside your door (speaking in a deep voice).” THAT WAS YOU! “Yeah, who did you expect? Some kind of mysterious stalker? Besides, I’m your mysterious stalker person!” Yeah, you are. Gale. You are. “Well, didn’t you say you were going to go pick up your kids?” Yeah, but I got to go fast, cause she is drunk. Again. “Ah. Well can I tag along with you? I can keep company for the kids and you can sleep on the way there and back.” Okay, that sounds so good. “Yeah. Well let’s go “Where are the keys?” Here catch! I toss the keys to her and she instantaneously catches them and unlocks the door and starts the Durango I climb in back and lay down. “Where are we going?” Here. I punch in some numbers in the GPS and the map comes up with the roads to take. “Okay.” The rides about ½ hour - 1 ½. When we're near there wake me up. “Okay.” The city lights pass over the Durango and flow in like rays from the sun, waking me with every passing second. Flash, flash. Gale turned the radio on I guess, cause suddenly I can hear the sound of symphony music. Or else its one of her CD’s. I don’t really mind it. It’s really relaxing. I suddenly doze off. “Hey! Wake up, where almost there.” What? Still waking up from the oddest dream. “We are almost there.” Okay. I crawl up into the front seat and point out the next few streets to take. Turn right here, and the 4th left up here and then take east and it is the large house with the pool in front. “Okay, I see it.” We get out of the Durango and walk up to the front door. Ring! I can hear footsteps coming towards the door. “Good evening Sir.” It was her butler. Yeah, I’m here to pick up Jason and Kira. “Ah yes, Mister Clayton. Please come in, it’s a bit cold out tonight.” Yes it is. We walk in the door and sit on the bench near the door. I hear the soft thumping of the kids feet as they run towards me. **DADDY! ** I quickly stand to hug them. Hey guys, how’s mommy treating you? “Okay, but she spends to much time with her boyfriend. Its not like with you, we can always have fun.” Kira said. Jason agrees. “How is Ryan daddy?” Jason asks is the sad little voice he uses to get away with things. He’s okay; he’s gotten fatter though. Wow, you should see him! “How big is he then?” Well, he’s just getting bigger! Not really fatter. In unison “Oh.” Well let’s go. “Wait a shecond!” Her voice stands out like a knife cutting butter. I don’t think anyone has ever gotten used to it. I turn to see her stumbling down the hallway to the door holding a bottle. It was wine; just by the way she was talking. She used to drink a lot when we were together, but that’s why I had to leave. “I have to say good-byesh to my kids! Come here!” I could already smell the wine from her breath. They walk slowly up to her and hug her. “Good-byesh kids.” “Good-bye mommy.” “You better take care of them, and not more of this crime solving things you are allowing them to play. You know that makes them psychos when they are older?” Yeah, I’ve heard it all. “Well take care of them.” Okay. “It was…um…nice seeing you. Oh…what is this? Is this your new girlfriend?” Pointing at Gale. “You’ve got it wrong, I drove him here cause he got off work and I’m one of his only friends that live near him.” “Okay, I get it. You leave me for this little whore? You’re desperate. Get some help!” I notice Gale starting to get red with anger. I quickly ran over to her and told her to take the kids to the car. She did so and took them with her. You should watch you god damn mouth. Our kids were right there. “Yeah, well its not like you didn’t do it to.” When do you want to see them? “What? Oh…you can have them for the next 2 months, cause me and my lovely man are going on a vacation to the Bahamas!” And how do you plan on doing that? Could you at least give the kids some money so that if they want to buy something? “Oh…right. Here’s $200. Split it.” Okay, see you. “Yeah.” I walked out the door and the butler closed the door as I left. I notice the kids and Gale were already talking in the Durango. Wow, this is the worst night of my life. What else could go wrong?

[C]hapter [2]

We finally came to a stop. Finally we were home. I woke up and looked in the back of the car and saw that the kids were fast asleep. Wow, such a tiring ride. Gale was even starting to yawn with the anticipation of sleep. I think tonight is a night that the whole city could possibly sleep even while it is burning. Creepy isn’t it? Gale, my best friend since after my wife and I …err…ex-wife broke up. She lives down the street about 4 houses down. She’s almost 29, but she absolutely looks like she is a teenager still. She’s always been the kindest person to me. “Well, I guess I’ll walk back home. See you later.” What are you talking about; it’s like 6:38 in the morning! Stay here and crash on the couch, the kids will be in their room. There’s room for you to sleep. “Okay, well you know I’ve got to check my messages and everything.” Hmm. Want a rain check? “That’ll be great.”

Let me drive you back though, the kids are asleep. They won’t mind. “Thanks.” So we drove the little way and we chatted for at least 2 minutes. Then it just happened. Our lips made contact with each other. How unexpected. Suddenly as if though paralyzed in fear, Gale turned around and walked up to her door. I’m sorry. “Its okay…Good Night Will.” Goodnight. Trying not to be an ass, I suddenly turn on my heels and shuffled to the car.

Home, more of the same soft chronic beeping of the answering machine. 1 NEW MESSAGE. Great another god forsaken call. Unless it’s Gale, but it’s a slim chance. She probably sat down by the door as I drove away and started to become sad. It’s just the thing you pick up after watching so many movies, but this is real life and not a movie. Jason and Kira instantly seem to pace themselves to their room, I follow. I tuck them in and kiss them goodnight. Close the door and walk across the hall to my room. Finally rest. I hear the beeping of the answering machine. God Dam it! I quickly walk up and go to it, and look at the number on the caller ID. UKNOWN CALLER. Click…**Hello Will, I called a while back and you never picked up. Where are you? I’ve…** Click. Now that was creepy, huh? I suddenly hear the soft purring of Ryan coming from the front porch. I quickly set myself with a brisk pace to the door and let him in. Meow…Meow! I go and fill up his food and water dish. He purrs loudly in return for the gracious task I have given him. I walk to my room and fall on the bed. I can hear the buzzing of the furnace starting to kick on. I quickly look to my nightstand and pull out one of my pills and take a swig of the water bottle on the stand. Ah. Rest. Good for the body and soul. I can already feel the pill starting to take its effect on me. Good!

About 5 minutes later I’m fast asleep with the blankets wrapped around me I suddenly feel another presence in the room with me and look up and see my door creaking open. It must be one of the kids. No, wait the footsteps are too loud. That isn’t the kids. I quickly look up to only see the knife plunge into my stomach and ooze out the crimson red blood from the wound. I scream out in pain and terror. I can’t see my attackers face, but I can feel the strength of the knife being pulled out of my wound as I fall to the floor with a crash and scream and moan in terror. I can hear the attackers footsteps coming closer. Suddenly I hear my attacker’s harsh breathing next to my ear. **I saw the kids in the other room; you know what I’m going to do to them? ** NO! DON’T HURT THEM! It was too late; I could hear the footsteps leaving the room.

Suddenly I find myself waking up in a cold sweat. Goddamn that was some kind of fucking nightmare. I look at my stomach though, no wound. Just in case, I go and check on the kids. I walk to their room and notice that Ryan wants to go with. Okay buddy. I open the door and peer in; they are both sleeping like rocks. Wow, that was a creepy dream. Ring, Ring! I suddenly turn to run toward the phone to answer it before the kids get woken up. Hello? “Will?” Yeah. “Hey, it’s Shane.” Oh…hey, what time is it? “Um…let’s see.” I can hear him get up to look around for a clock. “Uh, it’s about 10:30 in the morning. Sleep well?” No, I had another nightmare. “Is it about your work?” Well no really, wouldn’t you? “Well, yeah. But I work on living people.” Now how comforting is that? You can open up a living person to fix them up, but it wouldn’t phase you if you were working on a dead person? “Um…Well I was just calling to check up on you. Christ!” Sorry, I got back with Kira and Jason around 7:00 a.m. and I dropped Gale off, and I haven’t slept a full day’s length in over a month. “Well, are those pills working for you?” Yeah, they are working, but I only take them when I absolutely need to. “Yeah, don’t try to get hooked on them.” Oh, I know! “Well, I just wanted to check up on you and see how you are doing.” Yeah, I’m doing fine. I’m going to go back to bed now. “Okay, talk to you later.” Yeah, you to.

I seem to feel like God just came down and crushed my parade. This whole case is going wrong; everything seemed to be going as if thought it was planned. I stumble through the dimly lit hallways to the bathroom. I need to take a fucking shower. That’s all that I need at this moment. I quickly turn the shower on and walk to my room to pick out something to wear, great, its Wednesday. Work. Well how about something more casual? I pick out my favorite pair of jeans that are ripped and tattered and stitched up, along with the worn black leather jacket. These where gifts from my friend on Christmas, it was the last time we would see each other, cause he was an teacher and he went to Africa to help the children and people down there. I get mail from him every so often and he says its great being down there, the last time, in which he sent a photo of him and the chief of the village he is helping out. It looks great! I said last time in a letter, I’ll try and save up some money and me and the kids can stop by down there and see you. Before he left he was in a horrible state of mind, his parents both died of smoking, and his sister was paralyzed from the waist down in a horrible car crash on Halloween 2 years ago. She went with him to help, since she said she would rather spend her time helping out people instead of being stuck to a wheelchair all her life. I got a letter from her once and she seemed to like it a lot down there.

I pull these of the top shelf and grab a pair of socks and underwear, always have to be clean! I grab my radio/CD player too. I set it all down on the bed and grab my CD book, what to listen to? I’ve always been a kind of metal head since my uncle let me listen to Slayer, before that my aunt had Korn and I always thought any song I heard was them, but then I heard them and have all there CD’s. But I have changed a bit since then, like 6 years or so, I’ve allowed my self to expand into Punk, Screamo, Emo and Techno/Rave. You can gain a lot of sense to why the artist made the songs if you listen and research (if possible). But back to the CD book, the label on this one is Volume 5. Most of them are labeled, since I have about 2,000 CD’s. I find my favorite metal CD. Century Media’s Metal For The Masses Volume 3, I pick out the 2nd CD, which has a mix on music. Now to take my shower. I know the kids will sleep in for a while, because it’s been a rough night. I plug it in and lift the CD player portion and hear it reading it, 20, I quickly shuffle through the songs to number 7. Mnemic – Deathbox, one of the more odd songs I like. The bathroom is already full of steam, so I go and open the window to let it drift out into the outside world. I quickly strip down and hop into the shower. The feeling of water running over a person’s body is so comforting that you feel as if though you could sleep or even that you are with God. But yeah, that’s just what it feels like, like I want to sleep, but the moment that water or coldness hits my body I’m awake. I turn the showerhead to the pulsating 3-streamed setting so I can allow it to “massage” my neck. I turn around to grab the shampoo to wash all the dirt and shit that gets in my hair and clean my hair and rinse. I wash myself down with the soap and stand up for a few seconds more before I sit down on the stand that I attached to the wall for the kids to sit on if they didn’t want to take a bath. Wow, this is totally becoming stressing my mind out. I turn the shower off and grab my towel and dry myself off, making sure not to get the floor wet.

I dry my hair and put my piercings back in. I have 4 ear piercings, 1 eyebrow piercing and 3 lip spikes. People look at me in ways that I don’t care, because this is what I want to look like. It’s just funny how people can be so stereotypical about others, but it doesn’t matter. I dawn my clothes on and apply my deodorant and cleanse my face with the face wash in the medicine cabinet. I don’t really have a lot of acne, but it’s not noticeable. I can hear the uppity sounding songs of the Hellacopters – Carry Me Home. This CD has only a few good songs. I switch it back to Mnemic. I suddenly hear the soft rapping of someone at the door. It must be one of the kids. Who is it? In my childish voice “It’s me daddy!” I hear Kira's soft voice and quickly lower the music drastically. I open the door and the steam seems to billow out and roll down the hall. “Daddy?” Yes, honey. “What’s for breakfast?” Those famous words any kid asks, or is it the one about dinner. I don’t really know. Um, well what do you want? “I don’t know, maybe Jason can pick it out! JASON!” She screams out her brother’s name and I hear him stumble as he runs down the hallway. “Yeah Kira?” “Daddy wants to know what you want for breakfast.” “Um, how about that pancake place dad?” IHOP? The one were we usually eat? “Yeah!” Okay, if you guys say so. “Alright!” I can hear them run down the hall to their room to get ready. I walk to the kitchen and pick up the phone, I remember about Gale and I press TALK and dial her number 374-8943, I can hear it ring. I quickly hang up. I can’t do this, its probably eating her alive, I guess I will have to call her later. Are you guys almost ready? “ALMOST!” I grab my phone and keys and start the car and walk up to the door to see them charging out the door towards the car. Well you guys are done fast. “Yup.” We get in the car and I turn the radio on, and ask them what they want to listen to. “How about that one band that has that song that goes like um…um…I forgot.” Jason says. “How about that CD?” Pointing to My Chemical Romance. Are you sure? This is the fast loud music. “Its okay dad, I like the cover.” I put it in and start listening to the lead singer say softly **Long Ago, just like the hearse you died to get in again, we are so far from you…(then scream) Burn It up like a match strike to incinerate! ** I can see Jason in the back starting to bob his head, and I see Kira trying to do her impression of an air guitar. I just had to laugh, and then my phone started ringing. I turned the music down and looked at the number: 374-8943 GALE. I answer it, hello? “Hey.” Hey, about las… “Not right now.” What’s wrong? Is this about last night? “No, I need you to stop by later.” Click…She hung up on me. I guess I’ll stop by later. “Who was that?” That was the lady that was with us last night, she’s my friend Gale. “Oh.” We pull up into the parking lot of the local IHOP and both of them jump out of the car and walk beside me. We get inside and are greeted and seated. The waiter asks them what they want and they say chocolate milk. Of course, then they want pancakes and sausage links. She takes down their orders and turns to me, “And what would you like today Sir?” Um, I guess I’ll take the fruit pancakes, with strawberries. “Okay, anything to drink?” Can I get some coffee? “Sure. I’ll have that coffee and the milk to you in a minute.” She walks off and comes back about 4 minutes later with the milk and coffee. She runs back to the kitchen and I can hear the clanking of dishes and pans and the sizzling of the mixtures of food and meat cooking in their own fat on the burners. Jason and Kira keep themselves occupied with the kids’ menu coloring pads.

Our food finally came to us about 10 minutes later, and Kira and Jason had about 2-3 refills on their drinks, and I noticed that they started moving in their seats. Do you guys have to go to the bathroom? “Yes!” Okay, well then let’s go. I walked with them to the bathrooms and stayed outside since they learned how to go to the bathroom when they were with me all the time. I hear the flushing of the urinal and hear water going from the faucet, which means Jason must be done, or else it's someone else. They both came out 2 minutes after each other and we went back to the table. Ring, Ring! I pick up my phone and notice the number 527-6281 WORK. I quickly answered, what’s up? “Hey Will, we need you down hear. Pronto, boss man is getting mad.” Well tell him I have my kids today! “I don’t know if that will work either, because he’s furious.” Okay, I’ll be there in about 15 minutes, tell him he better have an empty office for the kids! “Okay, will do! Oh, yeah I pulled some prints from that vic. You had at that house over on Cedar & 8th. It’s a match to 4 suspects that are in the database, and you’ll never believe this.” What? “They are all dead.” Silence is all I could believe, are you kidding me, then this person or persons must have their prints! “No way these guys have been dead for about 5 years now. Those prints would be gone with the tissue, unless they cut the fingers off and froze them.” Now that’s a possibility. Well I’ll be their okay, so tell him to calm his ass down! “Got it. Meet me in the lab.” All right. Clap. I close the phone and call the waitress over, Excuse me; can we get some to go boxes? “Sure, how many do you need?” About 4 or 5 maybe, thanks. “Okay, I’ll get those to you.” She came back and Jason and Kira stared at me for a few seconds, “Daddy, why are we leaving?” I’ve got to go to work, my boss is mad. “Oh...” I could sense the sadness in their voices. But… (They instantly cheered up) I asked my friend in the lab to get an open room for you guys to play in. “YEAH!” They cheered and quickly got up; we went to the counter and paid. They ran to the car waiting for it to open, I unlocked it and they climbed in like monkeys!

The drive is about 15-20 minutes away from my house, so that’s about how long I have to get there. We pull up and I pull out my I.D. and show pass it through the scanner. We had to do this a while ago, because someone came in and sabotaged one of our biggest cases and we just got new evidence and this invader came and trashed our equipment and stole the new evidence. We installed two-way glass windows with sliding metal doors that lock when the window breaks. So it’s locked down. We walk in and I notice Neil standing at the top of the stairs waiting impatiently for me. “So what took you?” Hey, shut up! I have my kids this week cause of you-know-who. “Oh! Is that so, well you should have been here earlier! We got new evidence on the case.” I know, Devin told me about it. And how they are all dead. “Well, I guess I’ll have to give him some brownie points!” Okay, did he ask you about that open office? “Yeah. Hey Gloria!” The women named Gloria walks up and smiles at Neil. “Yes Neil?” “Can you take Will’s two kids to Karl’s office, since he’s not here today.” “Sure thing. Follow me.” I hug Kira and Jason before they leave and I wave to them. Okay, well Devin told me to meet him down in the lab. So that’s were I’m going. “Okay.” Oh yeah, I need to go back to that new vic’s house; I noticed something in the bathroom before we left. “Alright, you’ll need to get an officer or someone to go with.” Yeah I know the procedure. I walk to the elevator and press the down button I can hear it ring as it comes up. I walk inside of it and go down and meet Devin. In the elevator is the most annoying music, that crappy sit and wait kind of music. Ting! The doors slide open and I walk down the hall and turn to the right on my heels and walk to the second door on the left. I notice Devin is already standing over the body examining it, from the window on the door. I walk in and pick up a coat and walk over to him and the body. “Hey.” Hey, so what’s new since you last called? “Well, you need to look at this detox report, cause she had ecstasy and cocaine in her system, and I mean heavy doses.” I look at the chart and notice that she either O.D. or she died from the killer, but the drug theory was not understandable to me, since she couldn’t have done all that. “And I found exactly 20 stab wounds and a cut across her check and chest.” So she was having sex with a deadly weapon?

“Pretty much.” Wow, it must have been horrible or pleasurable to her. Hey, you said you pulled some fibers. “Oh yeah, I sent them to get analyzed. They should be back here in a while, but they were fabric fibers, I still haven’t found any hair fibers.” Do you have the clothes from the body? “Yeah. They are on the table over there.” Well I’m going to check them to see if we find anything that may help. “Got ya.” I take the clothes and spread them out on the table and examine them with the black light, which it shows mostly blood, since it is a leather dress. There was nothing out of the ordinary, except for the receipt I found on the inside pocket.

It seemed to be a homemade card from a little girl named Janie to this victim, who’s name is possibly Melinda. Well it seems that we have a suspect, but no one to find out who she may be. Well, we have a possible suspect Devin. I showed him the note and he agreed with me.

[C]hapter [3] - [P]art [1]

**Drowning in a pool of my blood, it’s getting harder just to breathe! I’ll suffocate you faster just so you can see me sleep! It’s getting harder just to say the right things!** That’s the only that thing was going through my head, that song by Bleeding Through – On Wings Of Lead or something along the lines of that. It’s all I could sing in my head while working, since I never listen to music during the day. Its nearly 2:15 and Devin hasn’t gotten the results yet, but finally they came. The report showed that the fibers were from a Persian rug, which we never found at the house. So either she was killed at another house or she had that article of clothing on at another “service”. I go up and check on Jason and Kira. They are both playing in the office I got them into; they both are talking to each other to. I walk in and but they don’t hear me. “I wonder why we haven’t seen that lady that was with daddy when we where at mom’s.” Jason said to Kira. “I don’t know. But she seemed very nice and I think she could be a perfect wife to him!” “Yeah.” They start playing with the dolls & action figures. I softly rap my fingers across the doorframe and they look up and see me standing there. “DADDY!!!” Hey you guys! How are things going? “It’s okay.” Whimpered Jason. I stood there in the doorway and talked to them for a bit more, until I had to leave. Oh yeah! What would you guys like for lunch? “Can we have pizza?” “NO!!!! I WANT CHINESE!!!” Okay, well I can get you guys both! “YEAH!!” They cried in unison. So I found the phone on the desk and pulled out a phonebook and called the most local pizza and Chinese restaurants. Hello? Uh yeah, can I get some… “Okay sir that will be $10.24. Will you need delivery?”… *Now reader, you may be asking yourself what kind of stupid question I was putting in this sentence, so yeah. Just keep on reading! *

…So the delivery girl (not a guy! What a change?) Gets over here and I go outside and pick up the order and pay for it and walk back inside. The pizza guy (guy, not girl) came about 10 minutes later. I sat down with them and ate some food, cause you know, I was getting pretty god damn hungry! We sat there and ate, not talking, except for the passing by of the “outside” world **Notice how I “----“ the word outside? Meaning the ‘World’ outside of the room, meaning the people outside running around screaming and talking to other people on the OTHER side of the building.**

I finally finish up eating with Kira and Jason, and tell them I need to get back to work. I tell them I will be back in about an hour. Supposing I ever come back? Well, I go over to the vic’s house…(remember, in chapter 2? He said that he was going to go back to the vic’s house?)…So I go and call for an officer who’s off duty. “Martin Gill, sir. What is it you need?” Well, I need you to come along with me, cause I am going over to a recent vic’s house, cause I saw something that may be critical to this case. “All right sir.” Oh, and you don’t need to call me sir. Just call me Will. Okay? “Okay…Will.” **I guess he never had to call someone by their first name or he was at boot camp for far to long?** So I hop in the car and Martin gets in shotgun. I turn on the radio and turn it to 106.5 KWHL, a local station. “Uh, Will. You can’t have that on.” What? The radio? Oh, who’s gonna care? As I said that, Atreyu’s Bleeding Mascara tunes on. Martin seems to think for a second and relaxes. I can see that he is twiddling with his thumbs, which makes him a very nervous person. Or maybe he’s paranoid about the consequences? “Were are we going?” Well the vic lives across town, near the local park, a small quite neighborhood. “Okay.” I turn up the radio and scream the parts to Bleeding Mascara!

It takes about 29 minutes to get there. The house has caution tape posted all over the doors and across the yard borders. I walk up to the door and push the tape aside. I can still smell the dried blood sticking to the air. I walk in and go to the bathroom. This is where I noticed that one thing out of place. I look down at the cupboard and see that there are strands of hair caught in the frame. I pull out my hand dandy little kit, and take out an evidence bag and drop it in. I turn on my flashlight…**no I didn’t have it on the entire time like they do in TV shows, when there’s about enough light to see where you are!** … and I explore the deeper parts of the cupboard. Nothing out of the ordinary, cleaners, solvents and a couple rolls of toilet paper. The usual stuff MOST people store under their sinks.

The only thing that seemed to catch my eyes was the sudden flash I saw in the corner, under the sliding drawer, I saw something shine in the light of my flashlight. I grab it (of course, I have my gloves on. Not to damage the evidence.) And see it is a picture. I suddenly feel a presence in the room with me. I turn around and quickly see Martin standing behind me. “Did you find anything that is important?” Um, I think this may be a good clue. Pointing to the picture.

What could that mean? Follow the way of the vines? I think Martin was even thinking what it could have meant. He walked to the other room and I followed after I bagged the picture. “Wait! I saw some vines outside before we came in!” What? There are vines outside? “Yeah!” He took me outside and pointed to the row of vines crawling to the top of the house. I walked up to the side and looked up. It was about 35 feet if you fell. I would have to take the risk! I climbed up the grated side of the house, watching Martin move to the side of the house. I was about maybe 21 feet above the ground. I dared not look down again, cause I almost felt the feeling of unbalance. I finally got to top of the house and looked around to see if this may have been a clue or just a inside joke to this victim. I saw the flash of light so fast it blinded me. I reached for my eyes and instantaneously felt my hands reach for my eyes! I felt myself falling! I quickly regained my senses and grabbed the closest thing to my hands reach. I caught a hold of the gutter and kicked my feet to the house. I could hear Martin screaming into the CB to get some help over here. I was struggling to hold on, feeling my hands slipping from the gutter. I then heard the creak of the metal bending in my hands. No! I had my feet firmly planted on the grate, so that was good, so I quickly pushed myself up. I felt the gutter piece crumble under my weight as I pushed and grabbed the cord on the roof. I caught it and pulled myself up.

I could hear Martin screaming in terror, thinking I’d fallen down. But he only saw the piece of gutter fall down. I quickly held myself in place as I was stumbling to stand up. I’m Okay! I screamed to Martin. I could see him now, standing in the lawn, freaking out. I could hear the soft roar of the sirens coming closer to our site. I gained my senses back and looked back at the gutter. I inched closer and closer, keeping in mind that I may fall this time and die. I knelt down, wrapping the cable around my waist. I pushed aside the brush of leaves where I saw the sudden flare of light. ‘I found our weapon.’ I was holding the knife that we were looking for in my latex covered hands. I saw the dried bloodstains were carefully cleaned off. The whole knife was clean. I guess this was a clue, which is keeping this investigation going! I could hear the sirens near us, looking down I saw the officers and squads down below. I need a lift down! They all started moving around and they brought a ladder up and got me down.

I walked over to Martin, thanks for the help man! I patted him on the back while saying it. “Did you find something?” Yeah, I found our murder weapon. Pulling it out of my pocket in the bag.

[C]hapter [3] - [P]art [2]

I’m sitting in the back of the ambulance, being examined for any serious injuries. I’m OKAY! I kept screaming at the medic. I’m just a bit in shock! He left me after he was all done with his examinations. Martin was being questioned by his commanding officer, and I could see that he was getting angry with him. I walked over to his C.O. and tapped him on the shoulder. What’s the problem sir? “Well it seems that my officer, didn’t call notify me of this “patrol”.” Well, talk to my supervisor. He was at our offices, and I needed someone to take with me to this scene. I hand him a business card. And if there are any other questions, ask him! I pulled Martin off to the side, away from everything. What was that about? “Well I got switched to being a patrol over at your offices. But I guess my C.O. was trying to get me back to the station. Just some stupid thing that he does sometimes.” Well that’s bogus! I hope he doesn’t chew your ass any more! “Me too.” So does that mean you may be working back there? “Maybe.”

I see his C.O. walking over to us and I can see the look of disgust on his face. “Well it seems that you are out of trouble Martin! Be glad this man’s supervisor has a smooth talking mouth!!!” He walked off in a storm. I turned to Martin and gave him one of my cards. Call me some time. Maybe we can hang out? “Maybe.” Okay. Well I guess I’ll see you, later, maybe. We walked off and went our ways. It has to be about 4:52, which means my shift is almost over. Yes! I better get back to the lab, and get this new evidence back to.

I get in the patrol car and drive off, away from the scene of an almost new victim. Me. My phone starts to ring. Ring! Ring! I answer it. Hello? Hey Will? It’s Gale.” Oh…hey. “Are you gonna be back at your place soon?” Uh, yeah. My shift is almost over. “Okay, can I meet you at your place?” Um…sure. We hung up. I could hear a cold sadness in her voice. Like a ghost from the past had its grip on her. I drove to the station, and went inside and stopped by Jason and Kira, who by now had fallen asleep. I didn’t want to disturb them, so I went down to the lab. I found Devin looking over something from another case. I also saw Neil standing down by the door.

“What the hell kind of stunt is it that you are pulling now?” What’s that mean? The vic’s house? “Yeah!” Well let me get those out. “What do you mean by those?” I found two new pieces of evidence for the case. One was like a puzzle, leading to the prize. I pulled out the photo and explained to him. Okay, I found this in cupboard under the sink, hidden under a drawer. I pulled it out and Martin, the officer on patrol with me, explained to me that he saw vines outside. I know this may have seemed to be an inside joke or something, but my instinct came in. “Yeah, and your instinct could have killed you!” Well listen now, it gets better. I know I nearly got killed there, but it led to this. As I pulled out the knife, I saw Neil’s eyes grow. I heard the door to the lab open and Devin stopped in his place. Nothing is on it. I examined it while I was up there. It was hidden under a bunch of leaves in the gutter. “…” He was speechless. I think both of them were.

I handed him the evidence, as I walked back up stairs. It was 5:00. My shift was over. I went to the office with Jason and Kira, I woke them up and I told them we were leaving. They walked down the stairs to the car. It was almost dark. Even though it’s 5 o’ clock, the sun goes down early here. We drove down the street and I walked into a gas station and bought them something to drink. I kept on driving till we hit home, and I saw someone sitting on the stairs of my porch. It was Gale. I pulled up and got the kids out of the car. Gale came over and gave me a hand with them. She helped me bring them inside to bed. I closed the door and we went outside.

So what did you want to talk to me about? “Um…I read the paper, and…” Tears started streaming down her frail face. What’s wrong? Did something happen? “I read about this woman named Melinda…and I remembered that…” She could talk. “It was my sister.” I was stricken with confusion. Her Sister! But how? I never knew she had a sister! She couldn’t stop crying. I held her in my arms for the time that she cried. She lifted her head up and wiped the tears from her eyes. “I never told anyone about it, cause she was put in a hospital, one for the mentally disabled. She was their till about 3 years ago, when her term was exterminated. She called me after she got the number from our mom, and I talked to her so often. She didn’t call about a week ago, cause she always called me every week.” I didn’t know. I hugged her and whispered to her. I’m working on her case right now. She looked at me. “What?” Yeah, I was assigned her case. “So you know what happened to her!” Yes, but I don’t know if I can tell you about it. “Why? What happened to her? Tell me. TELL ME!” Okay! Your sister, we found in her apartment. We didn’t know a lot about her, but the way we found her, she was stepping or already on a dark side. “Dark side?” She was into stuff like bondage, etc. We found her tethered up. “What?” I could hear the terror in her voice. I knew this was going to scar her for life. She…um…this is hard to ask, but have you ever been told the stories of Jack The Ripper? “Um, yeah I’ve heard a few. He’s the guy that they never found, who was in London or some place. Right?” Yeah. Well there seems to be a resurrection of his acts of dismemberment and mutilation. Your sister was an unfortunate person to be one of his acts. But I am trying hard to get this case cracked. She just looked off in the distance. She was not taking this very well. Do you want to stay over here? “Um…sure.” She got up and went inside with me. I gave up my bed, and slept on the couch. She was awake after I went by the room, and then an hour later she was asleep. I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up around 3:49. I could hear the sound of someone or something, scratching at my door. I got up and went to the window and saw a red car pull out of my driveway. It couldn’t be Gale, cause she was asleep still. I went to the front door and on it I found a paper tacked to the door.

This note seemed to be a threat. . To Gale, but why her? I took the note and locked my doors and windows. I fell back asleep. It is the weekend, which is good, cause I get off. I wake up at around 10:14, and hear Gale talking to Kira. They were talking about “girl” stuff. Jason was sitting over by me. He noticed I was awake. “Isn’t that totally annoying? Girls.” I had to laugh. Jason looked at me like I was joking. I walked over by Gale and Kira and her stopped talking. I scratched my head. So what’s going on? “Nothing, just talking. Your little girl has a lot of thoughts on her mind.” “Yeah dad.” Is that so? Well, can Gale and I talk, in private? “Okay.” She walked off and Jason sat in front of the T.V. and watched cartoons. Kira went into the game room and turned on what sounded like the Discovery Channel. “Your girls got a lot of great ideas and things she’d like to do.” Seriously? “Yeah, but you know, you probably can’t see her a lot. Right? I mean with work and all.” Yeah, that true. I usually am ever able to sit down and talk with them. It feels like we are breaking apart, just like with my ex-wife and I. The sudden remembrance of looking at Gale arose the image of the note. Oh, last night I woke up around like 3:50 or something, and found this note. I handed it to her. She looked at it in shear terror.

“Does this mean I’m a target?” I think it is a threat. Maybe this guy is making a hit list or he’s taking out a specific family or people for some occult reason maybe. “This is getting whack Will. And it’s starting to make me worried, about the safety of me and you and your kids. I mean if you get dragged into this.” I think there is a possibility of that happening. **Trust Me.** we talked for about another 5 minutes. “I need to take a shower. Can I use yours?” Sure. I’ll get you a towel. I went to the closet in the hall and got her a towel. She thanked me. I went to my room and picked out what I was going to wear for the day. It was Saturday, more of a casual day.

I picked out a green jacket that has an under layer for a hood and sleeves. It also has the German flag on it, which makes people ask me if I am German or speak it. I say that I am part German, but I don’t speak it. I pick out my tattered pants that I “repair” myself. I also grab my boots. I walk around the room for a while, trying to get my body ready for today. I go and turn on my CD player and turn on System Of A Down’s – Mesmerize Album. I walk by the shelves on my wall and take of my shirt and toss it in the hamper by the door. I look on the shelves and see my favorite picture of my best friends from High School.

I take all my other clothes off and change into my new clothes. I fall back on the bed and pull out a book from the nightstand. **I wonder what’s she’s doing right now?** I looked into the book around, and found her number. I dialed the number and got her voice mail. Hey, well just calling to see how you are doing! Um, been a long time. Hope to hear from you soon! Call me…here’s my number. I gave her my number and said good-bye on the voicemail and hung up. Gale walked by the room and heard me saying good-bye. “Who was that? Just wondering.” Oh, that’s my friend Darci. She was one of my best friends from high school, just like Jeff. He was a security guard from the high school. I haven’t seen them in about 5 years. “Oh. That’s sad.” It’s okay, I talk to them every so often. I never can see them though. They both left state the same year. She seemed to feel the sadness that grew inside of me. She turned to go away, but hesitated and turned back to me. “Um, just a question. Do you have any clothes that would fit me?”

Yeah. I’ll get you some. “Thanks so much!” I went into the closet and pulled out a pair of pants and a small t-shirt for her. I gave her the stack of clothes and she walked off to the bathroom, I could hear her humming a song. It was a lullaby. I fell back, and started to go back to flashbacks of when I was in high school.

***High School Graduation Day*** I was walking up to the stand to get my diploma, and I walked up there and finished the whole ceremony for me. I walked back off the stage and went back to my seat and watched many other students get their diploma. After the ceremony was complete, I noticed my friends Jeff, Darci, Shawn, and my family grouped together. I walked over and they all hugged me and shook my hand. I looked at everyone and then said that I had a surprise to tell them. I found my girlfriend, and pulled her over. I have an announcement to make! This lovely lady, standing right next to me…(as I said this she blushed)…we are planning on getting married! A sudden silence crossed over our little group. They all cheered in unison. We got cheers from everyone. I walked off to the side and told her I was going to talk to some of my friends for a bit. She said okay. I found Darci and Jeff sitting down by a table talking to each other. I sat down next to them and we started talking. So how was it you guys? “It was great! Your out of high school!” I know it’s so good! “So what are you going to do? I mean like college or get a job?” Jeff said. I think I’m going to go to college and take this class, where they send you to other countries to learn the culture and language. “That’s cool.” Darci agreed with Jeff. I knew I wasn’t going to see them soon. “I’m going to be moving away this year Will.” “Me too.” Oh, where to? “Well I’m going to go live down in Washington.” Jeff told me. “And I’m going to Montana.” Darci told me. Oh, well then I should get your guys phone numbers! So they wrote down their numbers and handed them to me. I’ll program them into my phone later. So how long till you guys move? They both told me that they were going to be going on the same day. We should have a little moving away party, in your guys favor! “That’s a great idea!” A few weeks passed, and we all talked and hung out still, I went on to college that fall. I started taking my courses and I had to leave for Amsterdam. The day that they were leaving, I went to the airport with them and wished them goodbye as I watched their planes go off into the distance. My girl and I went to Amsterdam, which I was able to allow her to come along. We stayed there for about ½ year and then we went to Italy and Rome. We came back about 2 years later. We settled down, which by that time I had gotten an apprenticeship and took the actual job. We settled down and had Kira and Jason.***

I then looked up and saw that Jason and Kira were standing in the doorway. “Daddy? Can we do something today?” I heard Gale walk out of the bathroom. Yeah, we can go to the park. How does that sound? “Okay.” She ran off and I could hear her talking to Jason. Hey, you guys better get something to eat! I screamed to them. Gale walked into the room and sat on the bed next to me. “Your little girl, Kira. She told me something that I would never expect to hear from a little girl.” What is that? “She said, er, well her and Jason said that we would be the perfect couple.” I looked at her in confusion. What? “Yeah, she said that we would be a good couple.” Wow. That is something I would have never expected. I turned to her and looked her in the eyes. So do you think there is something between us? I mean like a relationship? “…” She stared at me hard. “Yeah. Actually I do believe so.” Well here. I took a big breath and said it to her. Gale, would you go out with me? She looked at me hard. I could see it piercing through her, like a knife through butter. She turned. Gale, please answer me. “Will… I need some time to think about this.” As she said this she turned her face to me, tears were running down her face. I caught them with my finger. I took her hand in mine, and whispered into her ear. Gale, you know that I will always be here for you anyway. She kissed my cheek and hugged me harder. I did the same.

We walked out of my room and into the kitchen, where we found Kira and Jason eating a bowl of cereal. I saw Kira turn and look up. She saw that Gale’s face was ruby red. She steeped down from her chair and walked over to her. She hugged Gale and asked her if she could ask her something. “So did he ask you?” “Yes Kira, he did.” Jason seemed to look at them as if though he was invisible. Kira walked back up to her chair and whispered something into Jason’s ear. I knew it was about Gale and me. Jason smiled and continued to eat. We sat down and talked for a bit. After Jason and Kira got done eating their cereal, we got into the car and drove to the local park. Valley of The Moon. We drove down there and Jason and Kira ran out of the car to the space shuttle that is there. Gale and I walked up to a bench and sat down.

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