Friday, January 30, 2009

An Overview Of The Past 19 Years.

So, I'm feeling the need to review how far i've gotten in my life and how i've gotten to my current place and situations, good and bad.

Let's start from the WAY begining.

I was born June 15th, 1989, in a town called Hartford, WI (and for those of you who never listened in world studies or geography or whatever class it is, WI stands for Wisconsin) my mother is Shannon Conroe and my father Joseph Krapfl.
I was born a twin, fraternal, but along with that, I was brought into this world premature, there was complication at birth, my brother tried to come out ass first, and I was basically pushed to the side of the womb, that I didn't get enough air. So since my brother attempted to come out ass first, they had to push him back, and do a c-section on my mother.

He was the first one out, I was second. Both of us were out in ICU, I was the one who had it worse than he did.

I was hooked up to life support, I had a tube put into my lung by access of under my left arm pit, I have a scar from it, and I also had one down my throat. I have a photo I need to find and post along with this to prove it.

My lungs were underdeveloped, and had a lot of liquid and pus still inside, so they stuck together, and I wasn't able to breath fairly easily. Of course, the doctors were able to fix that, and they had me and my brother both in icu for some time.

I gained weight, then immediately lost a large amount, going from 3 pounds and some odd, to about I think it's 6 pounds, then dropping down to 3 or less if I'm correct.

I got better, and all complications got cleared, and I was ready to go home.


I was brought up in a litle town called LeRoy Wisconsin, which is a fairly small and quiet town that is a farming town sort of, everyone knew everyone, and had their own kids, a pub was down the street where the adults played horse shoes and drank, whereas the kids played baseball in the field behind the bar. I mainly was at my grandmothers, and was raised for a large amount of time around family, and then we moved around from Leroy to brownsville, and lomira.

Life was good I guess, I don't really remember it all so clearly, only seeing videos and photos brings back memories of it slightly.

But let's flash forward to about the year 1994, which is around the time my mother and father divorced, and my mother left Wisconsin with my sister and moved to Alaska. Me and my brothers, my twin and younger brother, who was born is 1994, stayed with our father till about 2004, 2002 for my little brother.

My childhood was raised very traditionally, good family environment, nice little town, Christian roots are dated in me, but I don't follow them.
My father was/still is an alcoholic, and was abusive. My haven point for comfort from a broken home was my grandparents house. We went there every Thursday for a large dinner where all the family got together and ate and chatted about current events, etc.

The summer's were warm and fun playing with my cousins, and playing in the corn fields. Most of the time I stayed inside and played video games or read books or played with my toys.

School was of course a ridicule, I was the kid who got picked on all the time, and got the shit end of the stick.

I used to play baseball and other games with my cousins and other relatives in the old lot behind the local bar, and played on the swing set in our backyard, and was always outside causing mischief.

I used to also play in the run down barns, and got watch the cows graze the fields and just be cows I guess.

Flash forward a couple years, I'm in my first "relationship" with a girl, her name was Nicole, she moved into Leroy with her family from out of state if I'm correct and bought the old farm down the street. Her and her family were very nice and caring, her mother enjoyed my company, especially when I always wanted to cook with her, and help her out around the house.

This is around the first time I started liking boys. Her older brother was the one who I thought was the good looking one, but I was young and told that thinking of boys that way was bad, so I just bit my tongue. They had this sweet underground wine celler out back below the barn, which we used to go play hide and go seek in, and the we'd go into the upstairs of the garage and play video games and other miscellaneous board games.

I used to love going over to their house, cause they treated me so nicely, and I also used to visit my friend Amanda's house and watch her dad refurbish furniture by hand in his garage. We used to spin in circles in their yard and fall on the ground dizzy. I used to play cards with her dad also. He taught me how to play hand and foot....complicated game for a 12 year old to learn!

Of course my summer was fun, my mother came and visited with my sister multiple times, and we all had fun.

My father, like I said before was/is and alcoholic, and he was abusive. To cut the chase about that, because I hate him, and never want to talk to him again, I'm going to highlight the number one point that scared me the most.

He called me and my brothers down to the kitchen, and he was drunk, I could smell the alcohol on his breathe. He held a knife to our chests, poking the tip of the blade into my sternum, and slurring at us.

He met a woman from Canada, and she was a nice lady, she of course drank but wasn't violent, she was the step in mom. I enjoyed her company, but also at the same time knew I would never be able to call her mom.

I learned how to use computers by the age of 12, and learned how to use chat rooms, etc. Of course a curious 12 year old looked at porn. First it was straight porn, then I started noticing the boys. There was something to them, and I would always focus on them more.

I of course had a secret stash of gay pictures and all that. Which I hid very well for being that young.
My summer consisted of making mixed tapes of songs from the radio, and hanging out with family.

I made a friend who lived out of Leroy, in a town about 15. Miles away. Me and my brother used to take our bikes and ride all the way there to go visit and play with him.

During the winters, we'd make hot chocolate and go sledding for hours on end until it got too dark and cold.

I also started taking a hunting and gun course. The first gun I ever fired was a shotgun. Hurt my god damn shoulder, I ate venison (deer meat) for the first time and didn't like it that much.

Flash forward a couple more years. I am living with my father still, in a town called juneau...no not Alaska...and we lived in a small complex building. We stayed there when our father was there, and when he wasn't we stayed at our grandparents house.

My father was a truck driver, and took his Canadian wife so to speak on the road with him all the time. We had Christmas, etc. And the disturbing part is they had the loudest sex ever. It was disturbing.

Me and my brother Dakotah had a bunk bed, and stayed in the same room and we're close.

Then, one day, he decided to leave us at our grandparents and just leave with out a word. Everyone was worried about where we would go, so we got split up.

My little brother went with my aunt and uncle Jody and Robert, and me and my brother went with Jill and Darris. The fun part was that they had their own kids. So we had some company. The bad part? They pulled a double standard on us basically.

Trevor had a good time with Jody and them, then he had an accident where he slipped on alcohol at a baseball banquet, and slid into the corner of a table and split his head open at the fore head. Blood was everywhere....I mean everywhere. He was rushed to the hospital, and made it out alright, with a lot of stitches and scars.

My time living with my aunt and uncle was good for a time, until she started to take her frustrations out on me and my brother. She'd take our things, and make us do all the work and not have fun. It sucked.

Forward a bit of time. Me and my brother are helping her make the back sides of buttons, so they can get proccessed. It was a good deal! It was like 50 bucks for a tote of them things!

Then during my summer I had my accident. I was going to the local pool, and tried to cross traffic when it was busy, and had the right away, and a car came out of nowhere

I swirved to avoid being hit and my bike caught the sidewalk and pulled me along the curb and flung me off and my knee hit the stop light post. I say there clutching my knee in pain with tears running down my face and prole just kept driving by. My brother did nothing but yelled at me. The only people who stopped to help was a couple who was going to get milk for their baby from the bar, and they called my aunt and uncle, who came shortly, the couple stayed with me and helped me into the truck.

I lay on the couch in pain. We went to the ER, where I saw far worse injuries.

They took x rays and told me I had fractured the back of my knee. Have me vicodin and gave me crutches and sent me home and told me to get a brace.

I went to a physical therapist, and he told me that if I had hit the pole with a few more pounds of pressure, I would have shattered my knee cap.

I was on crutches for 6 weeks. My first year of high school and I was on crutches. Oh the joy! The year went by, I made friends and enemies, and also had another incident, where this kid put me on the door hinge while I was on crutches. I pulled myself off the door and fell to the floor hitting my bad leg first. Pain.
The kid only got a suspension and helped me afterwards with anything I needed.

Then, I had summer school. I took one of the most interesting classes, i've ever taken. Art for Self Expression.
The first week was weird...it wasn't art at all. We learned self defense and dance. The second week was actually painting.

My summer was okay, working with my aunt and getting more aggravated at her. She knew it and we made a decision to move to Alaska.

We worked doing the buttons thing, and saved enough money for our plane tickets.

I left during the summer of June 2004, and came to Alaska with my brother.

This started my life in Alaska.

Getting off the plane was interesting. Because I hadn't seen my mom for over 2 years. We saw her and drove to her house in Indian, which is 20 miles south of Anchorage.
And stayed there for about 2.5 years.

To explain my summer from 2004 to 2006, I was shy, and the town we lived in consisted of only 50 people.

I lived in the middle of the woods basically with bears and moose. The beauty is what makes me stay.
My time was spent taking photos, and meeting the locals and going to anchorage. I didn't know anyone at all. I met the local kids, only about 3 to be exact.

Her name was Kathleen, aka kitty. She is a huge drug abuser for being only 16.
Her father was creepy.

But I liked her house. The garden reminded me of alice in wonderland.

Forward sometime, I did my experimentation of drugs, and attended school.

I went to South Anchorage High School...worst school ever. Nothing but stuck up rich kids. The only cool people were the kids from girdwood and the only security guard I liked was Jeff Kohler.

To explain my 3 year attending South High, it sucked. The only classes I enjoyed were my psychology, culinary arts and creative writing class. I was a part of the gsa, and wandered the school aimlessly, I was one of the outcast kids.
I did my time, and hung out with my friends and had little problems, except for a few incidents of using the computer for inappropriate material, which I was fully finding myself out.

My one safe point was Jeff, he was the one I could tell anything to. I also had another incident with my creative writing teacher, in which one of my poems she considered me to be suicidal and referred me to the school counselor. As soon as I left his office, I laughed so hard he could hear me.

Graduation. That night, my aunt gave me a big nug of pot, and me and my best friend Clifton Blue and his girlfriend smoked and went to dinner at LoneStar steak house. At dinner I started crying. Why? Because I had no idea what I was going to be doing with my life now that school was over.


I worked a large amount of my summer at the Alyeska Prince Hotel at The Pond Cafe as a buser, and lived in a tent on the river bed with my sister during the summer in girdwood. We went to Forest Fair, which if you have no idea what it is, let's just say its the biggest pot smoking event in Alaska, next to bluegrass.

I moved back to Indian with my mother after some complications, and started working at the local gas station with her and one of the local kids.

I worked there from after high school till about September of 2006, when I moved to anchorage with Jeff.

My mom moved to wasilla with my brothers and her boyfriend. I worked at toys r us, and subway for a few months and had to leave anchorage due to financial problems.

I tried to find a job out in wasilla, but was unfortunate.
We all moved into anchorage with my sister, and before I moved in with Jeff, I originally was staying with my sister and her boyfriend Vincent.
I had no job and wasted my time away. So I fucked up on staying there.

When we all moved back into anchorage, I wasn't able to stay there due to my past mistakes, and also due to space.
I stayed with my grand mothers care taker for a while, which in 2006 my grandmother passed away, and was with her for about a week when my mom called and told me to figure out where I was going to stay.

I decided to go to the Covenant House, which is a homeless shelter for youth. I started my stay there in January 2007.

Now, to go back a bit, when I was living in wasilla, was when I came out to my mother. The most nerve wrecking thing to do ever. I was so scared, but the most amusing this is, she asked "is it worse than getting a girl preganent?" my words were. I don't know if this IS worse than that!

I told her and she said, "what's the problem? Your still my son, and I'll love you no matter what."

She met my first boyfriend Eric, and she told me sooner than later, that she knew I was gay. I first came out as being bi, but whatever, it helped me get my foot out of the closet.

I posted a blog on Myspace explaining everything. I of course got good and bad reactions

My twin was the first to find it out, cause he was downstairs at the library and read it and came up shocked and stared at me clueless and asked me if I was kidding.

Now, back to anchorage and the covenant house. My first night was tragedy, I felt like I had given up on myself.

Of course, I got through it and pushed through. I looked actively for a job, and found one as an over night janitor for the Dimond Center Mall...worst job ever!

I then got enrolled in the Covenant House's TLP (transitional living program) Rights Of Passage, where you can stay for up to a year.

My stay there was rocky. But fun, I met lots of people, quite my job at dimond, and was jobless for a while, then got hired at Carl's Jr. Hated that job as well! Worked there for about 2 weeks and just left.

Had my friend go in and return my uniform and grab my paycheck. We had a good time hanging out before he left back to California.

I then was jobless again, but made it look like I was working still. Played it off pretty damn well!

Then I was with my friend Tim, who I met earlier during the summer from my friend Nick. Funny part is, when I saw them, I was like...damn! Those guys are cute as hell!!!

Partied the first night I met them.

Then me and tim were hanging out at ROP, and we went to the transit center, where I first and finally went into the teen clinic, my friend Ursula was working there, and Rachel and Ursula told me about an opening. I applied right quick!

Waited for the call, went p my interview in a business suite and a mohawk.

Got the job.

Forward some time...I had a rocky start to working at the clinic, but fixed it all.

Then during the summer was my first pride fest. Absolutely loved it! Of course I did things I shouldn't have. I cheated on my boyfriend.

I also met the boys for Adam and Steve, and one of the directors for Four A's.

Forward some time, Alex the director from Four A's was at Project Homeless Connect, while I was, and let me say this. He is a very good looking man, and i've got a crush on him. Lmfao!

Well, he came up to me and started talking to me and heather, my boss.

And we started talking, he then started talking about an open position for Adam and Steve and gave me his business card.

I called about the job a few days later, and printed off the application and filled it out and made an interview.

The only experience I had was doing presentations, street outreach and clinical duties.

So I had atleast SOME experience!

The interview was a breeze, because we did a job training group for the clinic, and it had basic interview questions.

I had An answer prepared for every question they asked.

About a week later, I get an email from Alex saying call him ASAP. I was kinda worried yet excited!

It was a game of phone tag for a while, but I finally got him on the line and he told me the good news. I got the job!

Forward some time.

I'm working with Ted and Donald for Adam and Steve.
But alongside with working with Four A's, I started slacking at the clinic and did poor work, etc and did some bad things.

I resigned from the clinic and started focusing more on Four A's.

Which is where I am now.

Of course I skipped a few stories, but they are meaningless and have no use in here.

So now, at the current date, i've gone through a lot of troubles also

I've made great friends, and more! But also, I met some people who I would have rather not wanted to try to get to close to.

To skip past my partying and other shit, I fell head over heels for a boy.

This boy played a game with me for over 3 months, and I ended it just last week.
He knew I liked him, but he didn't make any insinuation to tell me that he didn't like me, or want me to stop, so I continued to purse after him.

I practically chased him at all times, and enjoyed him. He was my perfect drug.

But everyone told me to not. I should have listened.

To speed forward some, I recently gave him a letter stating how I felt fully, and dropped all communication with him, and have felt better than ever!

I realized chasing after him was hurting me, and a lot!

But recently, i've been doing good. My best friend/brother Teddy, can tell by the way my personality is coming back with new motife and sarcasm, and everthing.

I am also noticing that I'm changing, which is good! I feel like a change is what I need.

Move away from the past and move forward to my future!

Well, that's the story! I guess, if you have questions, ask!

There is no way I was gonna go into full detail, cause there are somethings that need to stay out of this, and for good reasons.

Hope you have all enjoyed reading my life!

Caio.

Dr. Jared


1 comments :

  1. Marc Thom said...

    thanks for sharing your story... i can see from your experiences and what you know - that you'll be a history maker..

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